Tales of a Southern Doll

Ready for 2009

2008-12-29T21:07:00.001-08:00

Boy, when they employ you, they require you jump right in! I got the call from recruitment on a Monday, called back on Tuesday and had my first two interviews. Face to face on Wednesday, scheduled another face to face with the Area Director on Friday. Got called early Thursday morning, asked if I could phone interview, it took an hour, thirty minutes later I was employed and Sunday I was on a plane to Dallas.

I was in Dallas (Plano, or Plain-oh, actually) for a week. And one LOOONNNGGGG weekend where I could find nothing to do but buy mini bottles of wine and watch whatever came on HBO.

After Dallas came Shreveport for a week, where in spite of its reputation, the food was TERRIBLE. Creole? Not so much. Not in my experience, anyway.

Then I was back in SD for 4 days, two in the office, then I hopped on a red eye to get home to Georgia at 5:45 AM on Christmas Eve. Spent a few days there, now I'm back in SD only to pack up and do more training in Culver City for a week.

So after 7 months of inactivity, I finally have and actual schedule.

And I LOVE IT.

And as I love my job, I really want to talk about it here. However, I work in an industry and for a company with some of the most internet savvy people around, so I won't be doing that. Other than to say, I love my new job and my new company. That is not a lie, I love it.

I am smiling a lot more these days.

I am also really, really looking forward to 2009. Happy New Year everyone!

6 1/2 Months later....

2008-12-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

I'M FREAKING EMPLOYED!!!!!

Not just employed, but employed at a company and with a position that I am very, very excited about. Holy Crap!

I might actually have something interesting, or at least some inspiration to blog about!

Yay.

History

2008-11-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

Halloween in Hollywood

2008-11-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

On of my best friends from Georgia was in Los Angeles on business this past weekend. I drove up to see her and spend Halloween in one of the weirdest cities in the world. It couldn't have been better timing, the little piece of home and the hilarity of that city on Halloween made my crap week much, much better.

Things I saw:

1. A pigeon fighting to get a pack of Saltine crackers open. This amused me for a solid 20 minutes. Also, he never got it open.

2. A woman who had assuredly pooped her pants. I had a visual positive on this one.

3. A mime, talking on a cell phone.

4. A woman standing in a cardboard box labeled "Free Kitten."

5. About 5,000 Smart cars.

6. A California flood, including signage warning you. Which consisted on a little runoff, maybe 1 inch deep. As soon as my friend sends the picture, I'll post it.

Also, my favorite line of the weekend, spoken by my Georgia friend. We were driving back to the hotel, which is in Agoura Hills, so we were going through some small mountains.

"Oh, oh, oh! We're in the Rockies!!!!"

Yeah, she needs a Geography lesson.

Numbers

2008-10-28T16:33:00.002-07:00

2,157 - The number of miles I drove to move from Kennesaw, GA to San Diego, CA.

3.35 - The (approximate) number of days it took to drive across the country.

17 - The size (in feet) of the Uhaul I drove through 8 states.

1 - The number of SUVs I hauled on the back of the 17 foot Uhaul, then later found out it was incorrectly attached and could have EASILY fallen off and killed someone.

2,700 - The number of square feet in my new home in Pacific Beach, which, apparently, is unheard of for SD.

3 - The number of human roommates I have, two of which I happened to go to high school with and one I met in college.

3 - The number of four legged roommates I have, including one Golden Retriever, one Maltese/Chihuahua puppy, and of course, Maggie May, my baby girl.

5 - The average number of bottles of Two buck Chuck that my roommates will go through on a Friday.

2 - The number of times I have been home since moving.

0 - The number of jobs I have found in the worst state to find a job in.

1,423,659 - The number of times I have wanted to scream in frustration at not finding a job yet.

1.25 - The number of hours I had to physically double over so I could stick my hand in the pet bag to calm my kitty as she tried to claw her way out of the bag during the plane's descent.

1 - The number of broken hearts I have received so far in SD.

2.5 - The number of hours it took for my broken heart to turn into rage and disgust.

4,832 - The number of hours of soap operas I have watched while job hunting.

17 - The approximate times during the average day that I look out our upstairs den window and smile at the gorgeous view of the bay.

2 - The number of new friends I have made in SD.

2 - The number of girls who backed out of my best friend's Bachelorette Party I planned in the week before, causing me to have to cancel the beach trip and come up with something equally fun in Atlanta.

0 - The amount of good reasons I have for not blogging in three months.

9,872,504 - The number of times I have smiled because even though its been hard, frustrating and financially and emotionally trying, I know I took a bigger chance than most are willing to do and I know it was right.

Ummmm......

2008-07-10T20:00:00.003-07:00

Yikes!

Ummm....so, hi! It's been over a month. Oops?!?!

Internet, it's not that I don't love you, it's just that I haven't done much interesting. And in the boringness of my life, I haven't much felt like sharing how the excitement of my day is to go check the mail at 4:00. Woo Wee!

I guess that's not completly true. According to my last post, I was standing up Mr. Big Texticles. Well, I didn't end up doing that, I actually ended up hanging out with him that night and several more times. (SKIP THIS PART MOM) Until that time we got way too drunk at Fado and ended up in a compromising position or two, and he was a little.....less than impressive, let's say. Uhm, buh bye. Hee Hee.

Oh, and while we are on the subject of compromising positions (SKIP THIS TOO MOM), in my sulkiness of being laid off, I decided to let an "old friend" take me out to dinner, and ended up in a re-do situation. A bad, bad re-do situation. To the tune of a HANDPRINT BRUISE on my breast.

**No, it was not abuse, it was DRUNKEN STUPIDITY. Learn from me, don't re-do out of sadness.

So next, I re-started dating a guy that I can't remember if I wrote about on here. Really, I just decided that I don't like my layout because it is hard to read, so I'm too lazy to read back and see if I did or not. Anywho, this guy was something else. 6'6 and 240 pounds of muscle. Not bad, right? EXCEPT that he WOULD NOT stop talking about his body and how bad it was and what he could do to make it better. And half of our dates started at his gym. But, our of sheer boredom or lonliness or whatever, I continued on, giving him the benefit of the doubt. He actually started to say that he was really liking me and that he wanted to see me more. Great, right?

Then I drop a small little bomb.

Well, he knew the bomb, but I don't think he believed it. I told him I am moving. On August 10. To San Diego, California. I do not think he liked that.

So he did what every mature 33 year old man (who lived with his mother!) does, and disappeared. No texts, no calls, no emails, nothing. Until like three weeks later and he randomly wants to catch up and hang out at my pool.

No sir. Mama is way better than that, and she can get way better than you.

So, point of that story, I guess, is that the only truly exciting thing I'm doing is moving. For sure. It was originally supposed to be myself and one friend. Then a girlfriend of mine from high school, one who has always wanted to just up and move, came to me and said she was sick and tired of Atlanta, and let's just go. So I said, come with us to San Diego! And she said OK. So now it is myself and a girlfriend from high school and on August 10th, we are packing all our shit in a big ole truck and driving across the country.

Holy. Shit.

Prayers, please!

The Law of Attraction

2008-05-24T15:22:00.003-07:00

The day after I got laid off, I woke up and came into the living room to find that my sweet roomie had left me a book to read with a cute little note telling me to enjoy my day off. The book was The Secret. Have ya'll read it?

I haven't made it through the whole book, but the basic premise is the Law of Attraction. Basically, whatever dominates your thoughts is what you will get.

Fact: About 6 weeks before the actual laying off, I started making jokes that I wished they would just lay me off so I could just up and move to San Diego. I actually even went to my bosses and asked them if my job was safe, because I was sensing that change was in the air. I was promised that I would be kept in the loop, which ended up being a lie, but that is a WHOLE DIFFERENT POST. Point being? My friend Holly and I started doing all this wishful thinking and planning our move. It dominated my thoughts until it happened. The laying off, that is.

Fact: Big Texticles texted his way into my life a few days ago. I have told that story countless times now. I blogged it. I had beers and made fun of his text happiness with friends. I belabored over how can a man think it's appropriate to just text someone instead of call???

So what happens last night? I get ANOTHER text. Asking me out. From ANOTHER man whom I have never spoken to on the phone. Seriously.

OK, so I know when one door opens, another closes, and when life kicks you in the ass, make sure it kicks you forward and all. How long does the door get to hit my ass on the way out? My ass is tired, and sore from the kicking.

Oh, and what am I doing right now? I'm in my robe, towel on my wet hair, consciously standing up Big Texticles. I think. I mean we said we could maybe reschedule for Saturday. but left it kind of open....

I don't think that's doing anything good for my karma.

Why Am I Home Right Now?

2008-05-22T20:04:00.002-07:00

One might wonder, what is a young, single girl who claimed to have a mystery date tonight doing sitting on the sofa watching How Do I Look?

Well, that is indeed a good question.

I was on the way, getting gas to fuel the drive into Atlanta to be exact, when the random gas station attendant walks up to me and says "Ma'am, your right front tire is a little low on air, you might want to check on that."

So, I walk around and look...and....half flat.

Shit.

So I go home and try to make the roomie convince me that it's ok, and a little air will fix the problem. But we both know better and she looks at me and says "Well, if you put some air in it, you can probably make it down there....(and.....fade to black.)".

What she's really saying is: "Girlfriend I know you you are trying to be upbeat and you're all dressed up to go meet the new guy, but that bitch is flat and you need to stay home and let my honey fix it for you tomorrow."

So, I stay home, and here I sit, very cute, in a lovely green dress all make-uped up and yummy smelling, dining on Chick-Fil-A.

Hi World? Remember when I asked you to be a little sweeter to me? I meant that sincerely...

So stop being a bitch. Bless your little heart.

Thanks.

Oh! And. I call Mr. Text to cancel and he was nice enough about it. But three things:

1. He's very Buckhead. You may not understand that if you are not from Atlanta, but it means he seems like the dress to impress, metro-sexual, salesman type. Buckhead men and I don't tend to get along too well.

2. He (aside from only communicating via text) texted me earlier asking if we could push it back an hour. Uhm. CALL, you Buckhead ass!

3. During my actual call to tell him about my flat, he said something along the lines of "Well, I guess I could go up there, but you know, it's Kennesaw....." As if because I live slightly north of the city, I'm not good enough for the drive. (Atlanta has this weird Inside the Perimeter versus Outside the Perimeter thing....whole other subject.)

So anyways, I'm really, really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but he has struck a small nerve in me. So I've given him a new nickname, other than Mr. Text. The man is 6'5", so his new name is....

Big Texticles.

Tips for Surviving Unemployment.

2008-05-21T19:35:00.003-07:00

Hi, World? Please stop kicking my ass.

Thanksbye,
Courtney

So, I've been unemployed for one week and two days. Yay! I am really trying to be all happiness and sunshine about it, because PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, I know this could potentially be the best thing ever. I get it, I have ideas to make that happen and I'm working on it. But let's just not talk about that fact until it's true for me, ok?

So here's what I've been doing to survive.

1. Make your friends take care of you. Hey you know what? You have them for a reason. They might just do it, and they might just do it real good. Like, leave you sweet notes and inspiring things to read. Or text you the name of a recruiter thye just met. Or get you drunk. Fun!

2. Stay busy. Even if it means organizing the Tupperware cabinet. Then re-organizing it. Or, um, spending an hour and a half in CVS, trying to figure out what you can get for free. (AHEM, after tanning lotion, SPF 50 sun screen and an blood glucose meter all for -$3.00. Yeah, check that.) (OK, I have nothing to do, I'm unemployed, leave me alone.)

3. Drink some wine. Not too much or you'll get sad, because it's a deppressant and all. But you know. Some is good.

4. Eat some ice cream. Ben will wipe your tears and Jerry will pull a bouquet of flowers from his sleeve.

5. Work out. Because if you are a lazy fat ass, you no longer have the excuse of "I worked hard today, it's ok".

So that's what I have so far, I'm sure the longer I remain unemployed, the longer and more ridiculous that list will get.

Oh, and because I'm on an Awesome Roll, I said yes to a Match.com date. Via text message. Yes, I agreed to meet a man whom I have never even spoken to on the phone (Cardinal Rule Breakage!) via text message. Rock and freaking Roll.

Fun Monday - My Inner Jerk

2008-05-12T19:56:00.003-07:00

Today, I am supposed to tell you about my inner jerk. So, I'm a jerk for not wanting to participate.

Today, I got laid off. And I'm pissed and I feel sorry for myself. So there, I'm a jerk.

Sorry, Bev, I'll do better next time.

Fun Monday!

2008-04-21T05:15:00.022-07:00

Edited to add: AOJ and the Lurchers will be hosting next week, so hop on over and check out the assignment!

Hello, Internet!

Today is the day! Today is my day to host Fun Monday. And I want to know what you've done! What have you checked off your Bucket List? What are the moments you look back on and smile at? And what do you hope is passing through your mind in your last precious minutes here on Earth?

Small caveat - I do not want anyone to die!! Haha...I just believe in taking stock of your life and appreciating what you have. And if you have a list of things at the front of your mind that can remind you about life's sweet spots, you'll go through your days much happier.

That being said.....here's mine....with pictures!

(In no particular order.)

1. Five years old - trying my hardest not to smile as my dad tells me not to be a grumpy bear and puffs his cheeks out. I fail miserably and giggle so hard it hurts.

2. Learning to surf with two of my favorite people ever.

Southern Doll, Holly, Lindsay (BFF!)

3. Opening my SAT scores and realizing that I was actually as smart as my brothers. (And if you go simply by SAT scores - smarter!)

4. Getting that huge envelope that told me I was accepted into UGA.

5. UGA football - all day, every day!

6. Looking out the window as the plane landed in Rome and feeling like I was in a time warp. Huge smile.

7. Meeting Nicole for the first time in Orlando and telling her that if she shared a room with me, we'd have the private bathroom. Little did we know what was in store.

8. The summer spent with the boys between their tours in Iraq.

9. Belting out "I Will Always Love You" and any random Boyz II Men song into a haribrush on the trampoline with my cousin Laura. We were The Roses.

10. Holding baby Kat only a few hours after she was born. Closest thing to having my own child that I've known.
11. Last conversation between my grandfather and I:

Granddaddy: "Coco, you are so beautiful."
SD: Huge smile, "I love you, too, Granddaddy."

12. Bringing Maggie home. Little, fuzzy and curious with a huge lampshade on her head.

13. Hanging my diploma in my first "Big Girl" office.

14. Taking on Las Vegas alone.
15. Being there the night before they left for Baghdad.

16. Every moment spent with "Team Crunc."
17. Putting on a dress before the first date.

18. High School, my dad volunteers his Frequent Flier Miles so one of my peers could go to a conference to audition. Knowing then that I had the most awesome dad ever.

19. Purse shopping with my mom, glad to have a mom that's also a best friend.

20. Every moment spent with these girls.

21. Last time seeing Noah - he told me he loved me and he believed that if you loved someone in any way - family love, friend love, romantic love - you should make sure they know.

22. Flafting.

23. Ghost Hunting for Kate Morgan.

24. 15 years old - writing a 10-year letter to myself with Alexis, Christy and Kasey.

25. 25 years old - opening the 10-year letters and laughing until we cry.

26. The Ben.

27. Yearly trips to see my Orlando Babies.

Hollywood!

Vegas!

28. Flying off the SUV and not being able to breathe - then having the grit to get back on for four hours.

29. UGA Games and Trivia Nights with my brothers.

30. Every Christmas Eve. Best family ever.

My dad just can't take a normal picture.

So there you have it. Just a short piece of my list, I'm sure I could come up with more if I went waaaaay back in the pre-digital photo albums! I'm also sure it will just continue to grow as years go by.

So, over the next few days, I'll look at everyone's list and post a favorite! Stay tuned....

Austin City Limits

2008-04-17T17:51:00.005-07:00

Austin Crow: Big smile, sitting down, “Hey, Coco, how are you?”

SD: “Hey Austin, I’m fine, and you?”

AC: “Oh, I’m good, I’m volunteering at the Baptist church, so that keeps me busy. You’re almost done with college, huh?”

SD: “Yeah, almost. Kind of scary!”

AC: “I know! I remember when you were a chubby little baby! You were always so cute, and just a twinkly in your daddy’s eye.”

SD: laughing, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

AC: “So how is your love life? Is there a young man around?”

SD: “No, you know how it goes, my love life is a comedy. Who need men, anyway, right?” Laughs nervously like every girl who is the last in their family to get married.

AC: Crinkles Brow, “You know, Coco, it’s time for you to start finding a man to take care of you.”

SD: Shocked “Take care of me?”

AC: “Yeah, you know, a man to marry and take care of you when you have babies.”

SD: “You know, I’m doing just fine on my own, I don’t need a man to take care of me.” Gets up and huffs off like a brat.

Austin Crow was happiest when he was holding a baby. He was like the Baby Whisperer. Whenever we had new babies in my family, we all resigned ourselves to the fact that once Austin got the baby, no one else had a chance. He would hold that tiny ball of blankets in his arms and his smile would melt that little one right to sleep.

Austin was a simple man, too. Simple and Southern. He held doors for ladies, would put his jacket over a puddle if you asked him and held his wife’s hand as they took their evening walk. He believed fiercely in God and never missed a Sunday service. He loved his babies and the happiest days of his life were when his grand and great-grand babies were born.

The above conversation happened every time I saw Austin starting at age 22. It annoyed the shit out of me. So many times I stood among my cousins, the strong, independent one with all the good dating stories, red wine in one hand, the other hand waving around as I told another comedy. And we would plot what to say to Austin the next time he told me I needed to be taken care of. The winning story was always to shock him by saying, “No, Austin, I don’t need that, I’ve found a woman to take care of me.”

I didn’t understand why he thought I was incapable of taking care of myself. Why can’t I make my own money? Why can’t I support myself? I won’t die if I don’t have the love of a man, my life is pretty awesome without, right?

But what never occurred to me was that he didn’t understand me. Austin spent 80 years learning that men should be the leader of the household, that is what God wrote in the Bible and that’s just the way it is. He did it, and he did it well. He married young. He took care of his wife and his babies. And he loved.

The thing is, he only wanted for me what he had himself. A good life, a life of love and simplicity. And he never said any of those things to spite me, or make me feel like I was a failure. He said it because he cared.

I only wish I had come to that realization sooner.

About six hours ago, Austin Crow passed away in a hospice bed with my aunt and his son by his side. It’s how he would have wanted it, with his babies in his arms, and he is now in the only place he would rather be than holding a baby.

I wish I could go back and thank him for caring about me so much. He was a sweet, old fashioned Southern boy who just thought that a man’s place was taking care of a woman and his family, leading the household.

Thanks, Austin. We could all learn a little something from you.

Quick, Easy and FUN MONDAY!!!

2008-04-15T05:20:00.002-07:00

Hello, Internet. I'm back, and I'm done ignoring you!!

Actually, I wasn't ignoring you, I was just so busy. I stayed at two hotels in San Diego, one with internet access but I had no time to check, and the other probably hadn't heard of the internet yet. So there's that.

But, I'm back! And, I have pictures to post! And.....FUN MONDAY!! So I promise that when I get home I will spend some time paying attention to you.

Also, THANKS, INTERNET! I had so many sweet comments to my "I feel sorry for myself" post! You are awesome. And yes, I do feel better now.

So, on to the important things. Fun Monday! I'm hosting next Monday, April 21st!And the topic is one that based on past Fun Mondays I think will be popular. I hope, at least! It's definitely something I've been working on.

My girlfriends and I all have Bucket Lists. I've been working on mine for several years now. Several weeks ago, Tiggerlane asked us all what was on our Bucket Lists. And what do you know, we ALL have them. But what is the point of the list, if you don't actually work to check things off of it? So here's what I want to know:

What have you done in your life that was worth doing? I want to know the moments in your life that you hope will be the ones to pass through your mind when your time comes. I hope that doesn't sound too morbid. This doesn't necessarily have to be items you have checked off your Bucket List, it can be those small moments that made you smile, or the time you got that huge promotion you deserved, or the first time your baby smiled at you out of pure joy. I want to know all the moments, big and small, that make life sweet! If you don't already have a running list of these in your mind, you should! These moments help you remember how much your life is worth living, and we all deserve to enjoy it.

Boy, that California sun must have gotten to me!

So there you have it! I do already have a running list of names, so when I get home tonight I will work on figuring out some fancy way of posting them so they are easy to get to. So sign up!

Oops.

2008-04-06T20:33:00.003-07:00

Y'all. I haven't blogged in a while. Oops.

It's just that lately, I feel like life has been trying to kill me. Nothing has been going right, I'm not happy like I usually am and I'm completely frustrated. So I have been doing what I do when I get fed up with life. I shut down.

I've bee totally irritated with my job, and I expressed my frustrations with my boss, who informed me that there was nothing he could say to calm my fears. Great. So that sucks.

Men suck. Dating sucks.

Money sucks, and so does the lack thereof.

That's the most I've told anyone about how I feel lately. I just want to scream and cry and hit something and have a friend there to see it all and when I'm done, give me a hug, tell me it's going to be ok and to get over it already. The problem there is that it's hard for me to show people that I'm not exactly Superwoman. I don't like to feel weak, or helpless, which is about where I am right now.

The other bad thing that comes with being frustrated with life is that it makes me a not fun person to be around, sometimes. I'm stubborn as it is, and when I'm mad at the world, I tend to think that when it's time to let loose, it should all be about ME and MAKING ME HAPPY. And if that doesn't happen, I get a tad insensitive to those around me. Maybe more than a tad.

So there it is, that's where I'm at. So where's the up side?

Tomorrow I leave for San Diego. The Big Event. And I really do think it's going to be awesome, because my boss and I have worked our little tails off. It's going to be great.

And what's greater than that? My girls, Lindsay and Holly, are joining me out there on Thursday evening. And at noon on Friday when my meeting is over? Look out San Diego. Here comes three beautiful Southern women who are looking for some serious fun!

Also on the up side, I'm hosting Fun Monday on April 21st! i have a pretty good topic, I think. So hopefully lots of people sign up!

So there you have it, the good, the bad and the ugly. If I can squeeze in some time tomorrow, I will post a post I have been thinking about or quite some time. It will be interesting to see your thoughts on this....

And also, to make up for being a bad, boring blogger, I will be posting pictures, lots of pictures, in the next week! And you know you are a picture stalker just like me. :o)

Today

2008-03-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Today is my second favorite day of the year.

It's my birthday!

A Woman Scorned

2008-03-21T05:29:00.003-07:00

Good morning, MarBlo. I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. It's just that there are current circumstances in my job that have been sucking the life out of me. So in an effort to apologize, I give you the funniest thing I've seen in a while. The roommate found this on our door the other day. There was one on every door in our apartment complex. Enjoy!

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

2008-03-17T19:15:00.002-07:00

Good things that happen:
The register at CVS doesn't print out your 10 Extra Care Bucks, so the manager gives you a $15 gift card to make up for it. Thanks, Ben!

Bad things that happen:
Because you are so excited about getting an extra $5, you leave the 4 ECBs that did print out sitting on the register.

Ugly things that happen:
You use a coupon from your coupon clipping frenzy to get your kitty some new organic treats for free. She promptly throws them up.

And, for the record, Annoying things that happen:
You are the Bionic Woman and have to use an insulin pump. Your pump kicks the bucket, so the maker is sending you a new one. It's a Sunday, so you have to call the after hours line at your Endocrinologist's (diabetes doctor) office so he can call you in a prescription for insulin, so you don't die because you are a diabetic with no insulin for two days. The on call doc acts extremely put upon that he actually has to call in a prescription for insulin for his diabetic patient. Ass.

Fun Monday!

2008-03-16T20:06:00.002-07:00

This week's Fun Monday is hosted by Nikki at My Husband Calls Me Weird. She wants to know:

1.) I don't know about you, but my family is great at creating strange words that only we know the meaning. Some were created when the kids were first learning to talk, others came about when our tongues were twisted and the word came out funny. Either way, the words stuck and we still use them in our daily conversations. What created words does your family use?! Please share the story behind the word if you remember. If you don't have a made up word then tell us about the unspoken way you communicate with someone. Do you and your significant other have a look that means "This party is boring, lets split" or do you have a look that your kids know means their butt is in serious trouble? Please share!! And a picture of the look would be very entertaining!

OR/AND

2.) In honor of St. Paddy's Day, please share your worst green beer story!

So, first things first! My family hasn't really made up any words per se, but we do have invisible friends that my mother, brother and I still see occasionally. The most notable of these is "Chookamala." Or sometimes we call him Chookie. Chookie first appeared as my mom was driving us to school. She was the only one who ever saw him at first, it would go something like this:

"Look! There's Chookie!! Look, or you'll miss him!"

"Chookamala??? I haven't seen him yet, where? WHERE??

"Over there, behind that tree."

"Zack, do you see him? I can't see him!"

"No, where, Mom, WHERE???"

"Over th--- oh, he's gone now, you missed him. But he says hello, and be good at school!"

My brother, being the older and wiser one, eventually caught sight of him and would play along with my mom. This frustrated me to no end, because I just wanted to see what Chookamala looked like. He was a HE, he could be my future husband for all I knew. It wasn't until middle school that I caught on to Chookie. I could see him then.

To this day, my brother and I still get stocking stuffers from Chookamala at Christmas. I think we always will.

As for green beer, I never really was one to partake in green beer because the thought of ingesting that much food coloring kind of grossed me out. However, I will always remember one green beer infused party at my alma mater, UGA. I was invited by a friend of the hostesses, and I only went because it was my only option for St. Patty's. I was not fond (AT ALL) of the two hostesses. But, I went, and I had some green beer and I made the best of it. I think I may have gotten an Irish kiss or two. And then. THEN! the clock struck two AM and the hostesses informed EVERY party goer that they had to either drunk drive home, or sit quietly outside until they could drive home. It was like bar, when they turn on the lights and the managers start walking around and taking your drinks. It was just go home, you can not be here. Seriously, who hosts a party, invites oodles of friends, and then sends them home drunk?? At least have the courtesy to call a few cabs before being an ass.

Can you tell I'm still not over that? And for the record, I did not drunk drive home, I managed to sweet talk a sober party goer into a ride home.

So that's it for my Fun Monday! I can't wait to read about all the more interesting green beer stories!

I'm OK too.

2008-03-15T10:31:00.004-07:00

Hello everyone! Internet friends are so nice. Thanks for asking about us Georgia gals and our storms! Yes, the greater Atlanta area is getting smashed by storms at the moment, but I'm ok. I live in Kennesaw, which has not seen much more than a little rain. However, we did have scary tornado warnings go off. It was the kind that had a long alarm then a guy came on and said something, but I couldn't understand him.

As I am sitting here watching Glen Burns and the Severe Weather Team, there is a big circulating ball right over Canton and Holly Springs, indicating that a tornado is imminent. Ya'll, it is right over my parents house and my office!! But they are fine, I just talked to them....my mom and taking the kitties and the dog to the basement, then she's going back up for her jewelry.

The roomie and I are laughing because our local meteorologists are freaking out. Now, they are doing a fabulous job and are staying on top of things, but ya'll. We don't get weather in Georgia too much. So it's just a little funny to watch them get all worked up. Like this is their moment! They are volleying back and forth between Glen and Brad, and we have made up this whole fight they are having for air time. "It's my turn, bitch, quit hogging the air time!"

On a serious note, they did just announce a few fatalities from this storm. It is so crazy to me that as I was sitting here watching the news coverage and contemplating getting some Chick-Fil-A, areas were getting hit so hard that people lost their lives. My brain can't wrap around that, so say a few extra prayers for those families, please.

Questions

2008-03-13T18:39:00.002-07:00

So, I'm fairly new to this blogging thing. I have gotten a few comments to some posts where the commenter asks questions. I haven't necessarily answered them, because A) I always think if I answer them in my own comments, it's kind of lame because who is going to go back and look? and B) do people leave me questions in my comments because they are trying to get me to go back and comment on their page? Which is cool, because I am a stalker, and I look at everyone's page who has ever commented and try to comment back.

At any rate, I figured I could answer a few of the questions I have gotten recently.

On March 11, Bev asked if my kitty was ok. Yes, Bev, she is ok today! She didn't carf any more that night, she did twice yesterday but I bought her some new food and no carf today. So I think she's going to make it.

On March 8, Fianna asked (kind of) what "Camel Humps" are. Well, in mine and my BFF's drunken minds, camel humps are your tear ducts. Stay with me. Lindsay and I do not cry much. I had cried that day. We were talking about it over some beers and got to contemplating how weird it is that emotions triggers a tear duct response. And I questioned whether people who cry every day are dehydrated. Because they are ridding themselves of their water via their eyes. But we know a constant crier, very well, and she is not dehydrated. Therefore, your tear ducts are like camel humps.

On March 7, Fianna also asked if we work for the same company. I do not think so, unless "Fianna" is a pseudonym. But the resemblances are striking.....

On March 5, Wendy asked if I saw the Jon and Kate Plus 8 episode where they learned to ski. Yes, and OH MY CUTE and wow, those babies are more coordinated than me.

On March 3, Bev asked me "Why would he exhaust himself playing softball all day and then make plans with his family if he already had a date planned with you?" Girlfriend, I have no idea. The next weekend, he text messaged me twice after the hours of 10 pm to see if I would come meet him. He obviously doesn't know the rules in the South.

On February 19, Bev asked me if she could come with me to San Diego. YES! The more the merrier. I have two girlfriends joining me when my work part is over. However, my group won't be that much fun....we will have to track down the group who instigated the nudity clause!

Ok, I think that's it for now. How do you guys answer questions in your comments??

Things not to say in an interview.

2008-03-12T13:03:00.001-07:00

"I'm not good with hard math. Like percentages."

Cat Mommy

2008-03-11T20:12:00.003-07:00

What did Maggie do today?

She carfed. Yep, that's cat+barf. Not just once, oh no. She:

- carfed a grand total of 6 times.
- The first carf woke me up.
- The second carf my roommate was nice enough to clean up.
- The third and fourth carfs happened in succession, after trying to eat.
- The fifth and sixth carfs happened while I was at work.
- Grand total of 15 piles of carf.

The joys of being a cat mom.

Yes, my life is currently as boring as my blogs have been the past few weeks.

I got nothing.

2008-03-10T19:02:00.002-07:00

Y'all, I'm boring today. I have nothing of note to write about. So I'll make a list of what I do know.

1. I love coupons. Find them here.
2. I'm still not 100% recovered from my weekend.
3. A Time To Kill touched everyone! I think everyone who commented on my Fun Monday loved that movie.
4. Spring is coming. Georgia was BEAUTIFUL today.
5. My apartment complex asked us to move our cars today so they could re-pave the parking lot. They did not re-pave, they spray painted. ANNOYED.
6. Running makes me sleep good.

That's all, happy Monday.

Fun Monday!

2008-03-09T17:38:00.002-07:00

Things Left Unsaid.

This week's Fun Monday is hosted by IT Guy, and he wants to know our fave movie quotes.

I need YOU (yes, the wonderful YOU!) to pick 5 memorable lines from 5 different movies (if you could tell us which character said it and to whom, would be a bonus)...and tell us to WHOM (who in the people in your life) you could have said those lines.

Ah, there are so many! It's hard to pick just five. I think in my mind, I say movie quotes to people every day. But there is definitely an arsenal of quotes that I say allt he freaking time. So here you go:

1. "Oh, come on. Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?"

The Tao of Steve, said by Dex to Syd.

I'm not 100% sure who I would say this to, but it about sums up what I would like to say to every single Southern man who has the expectation that a woman is supposed to be this Miss Manners sweet angel, then gets mad when he realizes she is not.

2. "WHAT'D YOU DO???"

Tommy Boy, said by Tommy to Richard.

I say this constantly. If I drop something in the kitchen, I look at my roommate and say it really loud. If I'm walking with a friend and they trip, they get the Tommy Boy treatment. Yeah, it can be obnoxious, butt he movie is so freaking funny!!!

3. "Sparkly, she's very sparkly."

Rain Man, Raymond says this to Charlie.

I say this constantly, too. Whenever I see a woman who is dressed up way too much for where she is.

4. "I want to tell you a story. I'm going to ask you all to close your eyes while I tell you the story. I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to yourselves. Go ahead. Close your eyes, please. This is a story about a little girl walking home from the grocery store one sunny afternoon. I want you to picture this little girl. Suddenly a truck races up. Two men jump out and grab her. They drag her into a nearby field and they tie her up and they rip her clothes from her body. Now they climb on. First one, then the other, raping her, shattering everything innocent and pure with a vicious thrust in a fog of drunken breath and sweat. And when they're done, after they've killed her tiny womb, murdered any chance for her to have children, to have life beyond her own, they decide to use her for target practice. They start throwing full beer cans at her. They throw them so hard that it tears the flesh all the way to her bones. Then they urinate on her. Now comes the hanging. They have a rope. They tie a noose. Imagine the noose going tight around her neck and with a sudden blinding jerk she's pulled into the air and her feet and legs go kicking. They don't find the ground. The hanging branch isn't strong enough. It snaps and she falls back to the earth. So they pick her up, throw her in the back of the truck and drive out to Foggy Creek Bridge. Pitch her over the edge. And she drops some thirty feet down to the creek bottom below. Can you see her? Her raped, beaten, broken body soaked in their urine, soaked in their semen, soaked in her blood, left to die. Can you see her? I want you to picture that little girl. Now imagine she's white."

A Time To Kill, Jake's Summation.

This is my most favorite movie quote. I did this as a monologue in high school. I think it perfectly sums up old fashion Southern racism that we still find here in the South. If you haven't seen the movie, you MUST and you will understand what I mean. It's awesome, and everytime I hear someone who may still have some of the old South racism, I want to shake them first, then sit them down, force them to watch this movie, and I will stop the DVD at this point and recite the summation for them. It truly proves the point that we are all people, no matter what color we are.

5. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

Dirty Dancing, said by Johnny to Baby.

I just love this movie, and I'm looking for a Johnny to say this to me one day. Patrick Swayze, please get well soon!!!!

I MarBlew it.

2008-03-09T17:30:00.002-07:00

I forgot to blog yesterday. Oops. It's early in the month, and I already blew it. Here is my list of reasons why.

1. Two skinny bitches. Vodka, Soda Water, Lemon Juice.
2. One Chocolate Cake shot.
3. One pint of Miller Lite.
4. One pitcher (split) of Miller Lite along side a Buffalo Bleu Chicken Sandwich.
5. One Skinny Bitch.
6. One Buttery Nipple.
7. One Skinny Bitch.
8. One Slippery Nick. I have no idea what was in it.
9. One Sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka.
10. One pineapple and coconut flavored shot.
11. One more Sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka.
12. Home at 5:00 am. Ouch.

Tonight

2008-03-07T20:23:00.002-08:00

Things said tonight:

1. It's not the size of the yacht......Oh wait, yes it is.
2. Replenish ownup camel humps.
3. So then BRENDA says to ANNE "What made you switch...you know, you used to date men I heard," and then BRENDA proceeded to brag about the men in her life, yet still kept coming back to how she had never tried a woman.
4. Said to Mr. Stand-up: "No. I'm not coming out. You are lame. You must have dated women in the past who are used to being disrespected. That is not me."
5. WAIT. Isn't the shocker your two first fingers and your pinky, not your thumb???

Good times had by all.

Get Excited.

2008-03-06T19:14:00.003-08:00

1. I bought my ticket to San Diego.
2. Two girlfriends are confirmed to go to San Diego.
3. We are going to Mexico.
4. We are going to search for CHEAPO tequila.
5. After I go to San Diego and Mexico, I'm going to Denver.
6. It's Friday. Almost.
7. This week is almost over, HALLELUJAH!

To-Do

2008-03-05T18:35:00.003-08:00

A few days ago, I asked for some list ideas for MarBlo. Fianna suggested a few, one being posting my To-Do list for the week. Since I am watching the new Ghost Hunters and I am so freaked out that I have all the lights on and am watching my cat for any signs of something disturbing her, I am feeling a lack of creativity. So the To-Do List will work well for this evening's post.

Who knows, maybe it will actually give me motivation to accomplish everything!

To-Do before Saturday:
1. Explain to my two (wonderful! amazing! smart!) bosses that it is physically impossible for me to work full time for two separate companies at the same time. Therefore, I have to split my days in half, and they need to deal with it.

2. Send the box of crap for the soldiers that has been sitting in my hallway FOREVER to Iraq with all the other boxes of stuff we will buy tomorrow.

3. Book a hotel for San Diego.

4. Explain to my little pumpkin, Maggie, that while rubber bands might make great toys to throw in the air and chase, they do not make good treats and I do not want to happen upon one in the litter box again.

5. Clean off the top of my dresser.

6. Return Knocked Up and Bridget Jones' Diary to Robin.

7. Work out two more times.

Two things I have accomplished:

1. Post my old dresses on Craigslist.

2. Put away the giant mound of laundry on my floor.

That's all, I'm sorry for boring you to tears! I will work on being more creative.....when I'm not feeling like I'm being watched. Thanks, Fianna!

Tips for Resume Writing

2008-03-04T17:41:00.003-08:00

My job is in the market for a new sales rep. I have had the pleasure of reading the 4,000 resumes that poured into our office after placing the ad.

At first, I was pissed that I had to take the first crack at weeding through them. But then, about 20 resumes in, I had a revelation.

Reading resumes is fun. Lots of fun.

So here are my tips for resume writing, after having read 4,000. Enjoy.

1. Apply to appropriate jobs. If a company requests 3-5 years of experience, they do not want someone who has been selling for 30 years. We probably can't afford you. We also don't want someone fresh out of high school. We probably can't afford to take the time to train you from scratch.

FOR EXAMPLE: We want a sales person. 3-5 years of experience opening doors and cold calling. If you are a 19 year old who has been a PEANUT PICKER for the past 5 years, you probably need to look elsewhere. Come. On.

2. Work on your wording. Look, we have all fluffed up our jobs. We all know that "Two years of face to face customer service in the food services industry" means you were a server at TGI Friday's. That's fine, no prob, you get points for putting forth effort. But if you are going to put forth the effort, at least make sure to sound intelligent.

FOR EXAMPLE: "Keeping people alive while having fun" as a description for a river guide only serves to make me laugh, put your resume aside and move on. And later, blog about it.

3. Proofread, Proofread, Proofread. Come on, now. You may not be good at grammar or spelling, but these days, most word processors have spell and grammar checks built in, no? And if you don't have access to this, have someone smart look at it. Common sense!

FOR EXAMPLE: You want to "join" a company, not "joint" a company.

4. Highlight the skills you have that the company is actually looking for. You may very well have many, many skills. But you just can't turn in an 18-page resume. So keep it to one page and put the most applicable skills on this version of your resume.

FOR EXAMPLE: A sales job is most likely looking for a "people person." Someone who can get on the phone, talk to people easily, and, well.....sell. A sales job is probably NOT looking for someone whose only highlighted skill is being "an accurate and rapid keyboarder."

5. If you are in the market for a new job, know that hiring managers know how to look you up on Myspace and Facebook. No explanation needed.

FOR EXAMPLE: Having the headline "The baddest bitch and the worst hurricane" does not look professional. Especially if your name is Katrina.

6. Be willing to actually accept a job you apply for.

FOR EXAMPLE: If you live in Niceville, Florida and will not relocate, do not apply for a job in North Georgia.

7. Know who will be reading your resume.

FOR EXAMPLE: If a girl's name is clearly listed as the "Send To" person, do not address your letter to "Dear Sirs." No matter how good your resume is, that will only make me throw it away, because you are old fashioned and a womanizer.

8. Don't be stupid. This one goes quite well with number three.

FOR EXAMPLE: If you graduated high school in 1997 and college in 2002, you are probably now around the age of 29. So I know when you say that you worked for Ameriprise Financial from 1904 to 1906, you are probably stupid and did not proofread.

9. Have some common sense. And be prepared to answer questions that will arise.

FOR EXAMPLE: If there is a substantial gap in between jobs with no explanation (raising children, medical issue, caring for elderly parents, etc.), I KNOW YOU WERE IN PRISON.

This has been a public service announcement.

Ten Reasons Everyone Should Watch T.V.

2008-03-03T18:32:00.002-08:00

1. Cara
2. Mady
3. Alexis
4. Aaden
5. Collin
6. Leah
7. Hannah
8. Joel
9. Jon
10. Kate

Seriously. They are awesome.

2 reasons why yesterday wasn't as excellent as I expected.

2008-03-02T11:20:00.003-08:00

1. The Chiro stood me up! Well, kind of. I talked to him at like 6:00 and all he could talk about was how tired he was and how he had been playing softball all day long. I asked him if he needed to reschedule, he said no. Then he says he has to go get dinner for his nieces and nephews and he would call me when he got back. Oh yeah, and to go ahead and decide where to go and what time. And, the later the better. Didn't HE ask ME out on a date?? So at that point, I knew that we weren't going out, so I opened a bottle of wine and started watching Knocked Up. I later got a text from The Chiro, around 9:00. He said that he was still at dinner and was SO MAD. I said "Right, have a wonderful evening." I give him a big, fat no thank you!

2. I got lazy. I decided watching Knocked Up and Transformers sounded much better than making money on Craigslist. However, both movies were excellent.

So there is my short list for today. 2 days down, 29 to go!

Oh, Lord. Here we go!

2008-03-01T12:23:00.003-08:00

Well, I did it. I had to go and set a goal for something. To volunteer for something.

I signed up for MarBlo. NaBloPoMo went monthly....on a much smaller scale than November, of course. But they started with March, and if you sign up, you post one blog every day in the month of March. They even gave a guideline - lists. This works excellently for me, since my brain loves lists. And hey, if I can do this, maybe one day I can be fancy enough to do Blog365.

So go look at all these other crazy people and their lists, too!

So my first list of March: Why today is an excellent day.

1. It is March! March is my birthday month! My birthday is my second most favorite day of the year. I am pretty notorious among my friends for making a big deal out of my birthday.

2. It is March! Spring is on the way! Today is a lovely day in Georgia, sunny and working on warm. I can tell the air is ready for Spring and the birds are getting restless. I love it!

3. I got a Brazilian. Now, the "during" part of this is not necessarily excellent, but the "after" is. Also, I went to a new aesthetician who taught me a new trick. Naturally, I get pretty tense when getting my naughty hairs ripped out. When you tense up, it makes for more painful ripping. She said that if you wiggle your toes, you body can't use those muscles to tense up, so it hurts less when she pulls! It worked! She also said it works for chiropractic adjustments. Smart lady, that one.

4. I have a date with The Chiro tonight - finally! It was like pulling teeth to get that one to call.

5. Today I am listing 6 old prom and bridesmaid dresses on Craigslist. Come on people of Atlanta, this doll needs money!!

So that's it. Wish me luck on the whole posting every day thing. Also - does anyone have ideas for interesting lists? I have a few ideas going:

Top 5 worst days of my teenage life (Teenage years always make for funny material!)
top 5 best days of my teenage life
Milestones - maybe like by age, 1-5 one day, 5-10 another, etc.
Best pictures ever taken (of me, of course!)

Those are a few ideas - I am totally open to any interesting thoughts out there! Help me out, people!

Naivety, at times.

2008-02-26T17:23:00.003-08:00

At times, I can be idealistic about people and life in general. It still surprises me to know that over half of America's population still does some form of illegal drugs on a regular basis. It shocks me when small children are on TV because they have been kidnapped, or worse. I get so angry watching those animal saving shows on Animal Planet because I just can't believe there are people out there that do that.

I am also naive when it comes to relationships at times. More specifically, I think I have a lot to learn about marriage before I actually get married. In my mind, once you get married, that is it. There is no flirting with other people, there is no "just a kiss" and there is no way you can allow yourself to feel romantic emotions about anyone else.

I do understand that marriage is hard work and that there will be hard times, but I truly believe if you get married to the right person, you can work through that.

But these days, are people just marrying the wrong people? It seems like so many men that I have met or dated over the past few years have been divorced. Some more than once before the age of 30. This still astounds me. Is this just the way it is now? Is the Starter Marriage truly the way it's done these days?

Call me old fashioned, but I want to get married once, and I do not want to ever question that decision.

So what brings this up? Well, my Internet friends, I have a Myspace. I keep it private, and only add people I truly know as friends. I never look around on Myspace and use it like I use Match. It seems wrong to troll around on a public forum only to find one cute guy in your area who is 17. I do not like to feel dirty.

Well apparently, some people do.

Behold a conversation I had with a man, Mike from Rhode Island. Mike found me randomly while looking for women to fuck** who live near his best friend in Georgia.

**Hi, Mom! I know I'm much too pretty to talk like that! Sorry!

From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:27 AM

read but no reply? ouch

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:48 AM

LOL. You're a go getter, huh?

Two truths about RBNR - I'm at work, and I didn't really think people used Myspace to hit on people who don't even live close.

Courtney

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:54 AM

well... i'm different!

How are you?

I'm 40... u?

I'm married... 12 yrs... 3 kids... you?

I'm a pharmaceutical consultant... yourself?

Mike

Did I hit on you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 9:00 AM

You certainly are different!! If you are married for 12 years, why are you emailing random women on Myspace? I'm not being rude asking that, it's a genuine question. I suppose I just assume people email random people here to hit on them.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 9:32 AM

i'm married... not happily married... and I'm bored... so I flirt on line...

jerk huh?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:02 AM

Yeah, pretty much, but at least you're an honest jerk!

How does one become unhappily married? It seems to happen alot, and I don't understand it. This is one reason why I don't want to get married any time soon!!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:16 AM

i'm not THAT unhappy... not unhappy enough to leave my kids...

but my wife is a selfish cold lover...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:24 AM

Well you're an honest jerk but a good dad then. :o)

My dad and his first wife got divorced when my oldest brother was 4. He has always said that it turned out better for him because they were both happy parents, and that was better than parents who fought.

So your wife is selfish AND cold? So does she not put out, or she puts out but only cares about her side of the deal?

haha.... I'm asking a total stranger about his sex life. Hope you don't think I'm prying......

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:27 AM

nah... I opened the topic...

we almost never have sex... and when we do, it's all about her...

M

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:33 AM

Well that is no good. I'm making notes on how to make a marriage last forever, and happily, for when I do get married. Number one is have good sex ALOT. I'm sorry you don't get it much, that would make me unhappy too.

So is your friend in Marietta and unhappliy married guy too? Is that why you come down here alot?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:40 AM

he is... i come down to golf...

do you have a boyfriend?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:49 AM

I am single, currently dating two people. :o)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:54 AM

just saw you pics...GREAT body!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:55 AM

Thanks.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:55 AM

how tall are you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 11:04 AM

5'11. I love heels though, so usually 6'1 or 6'2,

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 1:20 PM

i thought you were tall...and worth the climb!

135 lbs?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 1:34 PM

haha, a lady never tells. Besides, I have no desire to allow a married man to climb me.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:03 PM

ok...I'd prefer if you climb on top of me anyway...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:05 PM

LOL. There will be no climbing of any sort!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:06 PM

that way my hands and mouth are free to explore...lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:07 PM

Wow, you have a response to everything, huh?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:10 PM

was my response bad?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:12 PM

Yes.

After that, Rhode Island Mike chose not to be my friend anymore. Go Figure.

She works hard for her money.

2008-02-19T08:47:00.002-08:00

I am signing a contract for an event I'm planning in April. This is the first time I've had to sign off on this clause.

"No male or female genitalia, breasts or buttocks may be exposed at any time."

Fun Monday!

2008-02-18T16:03:00.003-08:00

Assignment: My drive to work never fails to produce a giggle for me, which inspired this week's Fun Monday Challenge: Take your camera with you as you go about your business and take a picture of the things that make you laugh along the way. I was originally thinking about signs, since that's what usually does it for me, but I left it open to your interpretation.

Host: Sayre

So many things make me laugh on a daily basis. Today I laughed at a picture of a coworkers new puppy, just because he was so itty bitty and cute, and she named him Pierre. I laugh at a sign on the way to work almost every day, and if I can remember, I will take a picture of this sign so you can laugh at it too.

Earlier this week, I laughed at this. That is Atlanta news, at Chateau Elan, just North of the city.

I also laughed at this in the past week, because animals just make me laugh.

But what made me laugh the most is this. Below is the transcript of a drunken IM (that has been cleaned up, so as not to offend anyone) between myself and a friend, after I had gone on a date with The Brit. I have left all the typos in, so you can better imagine the drunkenness. This is me, trying to describe what happened, and the hilarity that ensues:

Friend: ok i am here!
Friend: im being a loser and staying in tongiht
Southern Doll: hahHAHthat was fast
F: no im on downloading music
F: im just invisible
SD: ok, so date was good
SD: no real warning signs, we get along, both jokesters....it was fun
SD: coolr restaurant, he paid, OH MY GOD HE STANDS UP WHEN I GO TO THE BATHROOM
SD: so, we are saying goodbe and he kisses me
SD: the ksis was good....but you know how when a kiss goes from just kissing to making out?
F: ah hahahah yeah

SD: ok, so the kiss makes that switch, and the kiss is still good, but it 's like when that switch happens, all of a sudden his palm starts making out with the back of my head
SD: i'm talking you shouldn't get a tangle that big unless you are doing the missionary nasty
F: AHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAH
F: you are joking
SD: no!!!
SD: it totally made me start to laugh
SD: and THEN
SD: he was like, oh, i found a spot!
SD: then he started pulling my hair a little bit!!!!
F: OHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SD: yes!
SD: it was so funny
F: i am dying
F: wow
SD: i was like DAMNIT!!!!
F: that is special
SD: I mean tha date was SO GOOD and the kiss was awesome until then!
F: hee hee i am giggling imagining this
F: ah haha
SD: dude
SD: i am laughing too
F: is there anything you want me to pirate music wise to listen to as we get ready tomorrow?
SD: anythign booty shaking
F: i figure i will need a lot of music and condition so we can get that big tangle out of the back of your head
F: conditioner
SD: uhm, yeah
F: whoa
SD: i have like a bee hive
F: and
F: imagine if you had my hair
SD: I KNOW hahahahaha
SD: it would have been like a bee hive with strings hanging out!
F: omg you are killing me
SD: something goofy like that always happens to me.
SD: it was like out of a movie
F: ah haah
F: i still thnk we need to write a book
F: about silly dating moments
F: really
SD: you know how if you open your eyes at the wrong moment, you see them coming at you int he half kiss, and its so not sexy?
F: i have the voyeur and the cocaine snorter
F: ah hahaha
F: thats funny
F: thats why you dont peek
SD: well i started to think about htat while he wa styling my beehive, then is tarted laughing harder
F: oh no
SD: yeah dude
F: you are as bad as me
F: i would have been laughing so bad
SD: i had to play it off like, OK, I don't want this to go too far *giggle giggle*
F: ah hahahha
F: like
F: you wanted to not have to shave your head tomorrow morning
SD: and i was trying to come up with a cute way of getting out of it
F: its cracking me up
F: you were probably thinking about this while he is making the bee hive
F: instead of just enjoying the free hair styling
SD: oh yeah
SD: like in a 3 minute spamn of time, iw as not only thinking WTF is he doing, iw asl ike, I have to tell you and lindsay about this s**t
F: ah hahahaha
F: i would have been thinking the exact same thing
SD: you know its bad when you start thinking about telling your friends about it during the kiss
F: trust me
F: i know
SD: hahahahahaha
F: like b's snake tongue
SD: ahhhhh1!!!! hahahahahahh
F: he likes to "penetrate" people
SD: oh god
SD: ewwwwww
F: while kissing them
F: EEEEEWWWWWwwwww
F:i would laugh
SD: he penetrates h's STDs
SD: hahahahahahahaha
F: and do the exact same thing....how do i get out of this??
SD: uhm yeah
SD: ugh
SD: man, wnhy did he have to mess up a perfect first date with a beehive
F: H HhHhHhH
F: hee hee
SD: hahaha
F: was it really as bad as you are making it sound
F: like the tangle he made was bad??
SD: well, the beehive was only like the last three minutes
SD: but i definitely had to smooth my hair down
SD: it was liek a great kiss until he did that s**t, then had to be all "OH I FOUND A SPOT"
SD: no, f***er, you make me laugh with your F*****G BEEHIVE MOVE
F: ahhhhhhhhhh hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
F: you know
F: if you go out with him again
F: he is going to think you LIKED the beehive move
SD: I know!!!!
SD: ujgh
F: and he is going to keep doing it
SD: hahahahahah
SD: oh good lord
SD: i have to react to soemthign else so he will move on
F: you will have a cronic beehiver
SD: hahahaha
SD: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
F: yessssss
F: free hair stylist
F: ah ahahaha
SD: i akm laghing so hard right now
F: dude
F: i am too
F: i bet my neighbors can hear me
SD: we seriously need to write a book
F: i know!
SD: hahahahaha
F: i could put in my fight with nick at the restaurant over wonderwoman's lasso
F: you get the do me in the butt guy
SD: oh yeah
F: i get the gay x
F: you get the beehiver
SD: i get the gay ex who is convinced he wants to marry me
F: and i get snake tongue
F: oh and tall speechless man
SD: oooh i get dominatrix man
F: ahhhhhhh hahahahahaha
SD: we can tag team the chapter on tall speechless man, because oh wait, MINE CALLED ME YESTERDAY
F: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
SD: we can also tag team a chapter on how to get men to send you dirty pics
F: was there just radio silence on your phone?
F: hee hee
SD: have i told you his actual nick name that i gave him, since all my match men get nicknames?
F: ah hahaah im all about the shared chapters, makes it easier
F: no, what is it?
SD: Darth Joey
SD: he sounds like f******g darth vader on the phone
F: ahhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahah
SD: its like he runs while talking'
F: no way
F: omg
SD: oh yeah
F: really
SD: sometimes i can't really hear him
F: because of his breathing?
SD: and this was was The Brit, but he's so Beehive no
F: yeah he is beehive
F: hands down
SD: for sure
SD: lol
F: i am watchng footloose
SD: they have beehives1
F: and i think i want to make out with kevin bacon
SD: lol
SD: make sure his hands stay below the neck
F: dude
F: i want his hands all over me
F: ah haahha
SD: beehive and all? you sure about that?
SD: hahahaahah
F: kevin bacon
F: will not make me hve a beehive
SD: he doens't look like that now, you know
F: well
F: that ok
SD: hahahaha
SD: he's probably goooooooddddd
F: because he can DANCE
F: goood
SD: yeah
SD: ahhhhh i bet beehive is gooooood hahahah
SD: float like a butterfly, sting like a BEEEEEEE
F: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
F: hahahahah
F: do you think he would really be good?
SD: who knows
F: your whole body would be a beehive
SD: tha actual kiss part was good
SD: it was the hand thing that weirded me out
F: hee hee
F: well
F: maybe next time
F: you could like try to hold his hands or something
F: like start kissing and then push him into a wall or something and RESTRAIN THE BEEHIVE MAKERS
SD: hahahahahahahahahah
SD: ABORT BEEHIVE MISSION
SD: ABORT!ABORT!
F: lllol
F: you could never make out with beehive before going out!
F: or else you need to start carrying a hairbrush
SD: lol
SD: cross eye called me while i was on my date
F: uhm how is that
F: who i mean
F: dude kevin bacon just meat up this dude
F: beat
F: HOT
SD: another match dude, he has a picture on there where he's using his camera on his pone ot take apicture in a mirror, and hes looking at the phone so he looks like he has a cross eye
F: ah hahaha this is so cheesy 80s
F: ah hahaha
F: oh no
F: crosseye
SD: but we'v been talking on google IM all week, he seems really cool
F: i am so busting out some of these moves in vegas
SD: hahahah the totally played i will always love you at this restaurant, i wanted to sing it karaoke style
SD: ahhhh ok i need to go to bed so i can function at the river tomorrow
F: AH HAHAHA
F: ok
SD: ok
F: see you at ten, beehive mama
SD: hahahah i might still ahvve a beehive
F: oh, and brush your hair before tomorrow
SD: hahahahahahahaha
F: i cant run with a beehive
F: ah ahahha
SD: hehehehehe
SD: ok goodnight snake tongue
F: goodnight BeeHiver

And there you have it. A night in the life of the Southern Doll.

VD

2008-02-14T05:08:00.003-08:00

Happy Valentine's day everyone!!

Since this is such a romantic day, I'll update everyone on the comedy that is my dating life lately.

CB: If you remember, Cocky Bastard. He is still in the picture, however now without any benefits, as he describes himself as "In A Relationship." With someone half his age, I might add.

BabyFace: He informed me that he was going to spend 12 days in Mexico with his ex-girlfriends family. I informed him that that was hella weird, and Buh Bye.

Big Tooth: I haven't written about him, I don't think. He was kind of eh, and one front tooth was bigger than the other. However, he did take me to the Chocolate Bar. MMMmmmmm

Darth Joey: This one occurred just the other night. He breathes so heavy on the phone that I can hardly understand him. Most Boring. Date. Ever. This will be the one who ends up really liking me. UPDATE: Darth Joey called. Of course.

On-Deck we have Cross Eye, The Brit (I'm sure I can come up with something better than that...) and The Chiro.

So, we shall see, wish me luck!

Fun Monday!

2008-02-10T19:08:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this week's Fun Monday. Maybe it's because....well, who doesn't love music? Or maybe it's because it's an easy one for me. But I think this one was a great idea. Ooh, a shiny pen is the host this week, and here's her assignment:

Music plays a vital role in most of our lives. It is everywhere. I want to hear the ONE song that is you. The song that whenever it is heard, you smile. I am not looking for the soundtrack of your life, just that one song. Your friends hear it and think of you. You can post the video, the lyrics, the wav file. However you want to post it is great.

When I first read this assignment, I knew there was only one song that has ever made me smile every time I hear it. I never get tired of it, and I won't ever.

I will caveat this by saying that I loved this song well before the movie came out in 1990. Well, not too well before, because I was nine at that time. But I remember wanting to see that movie so bad, because it had my song. My. Song.

When I was little, I heard this song for the first time on a country station, in the car with my dad. I told him that I loved it, and that it was mine. He said "Yes, it is yours, and it always will be, because you are MY Pretty Woman." I think that was the first time I can remember thinking that I had, by far, the best dad ever. This fact remains true.

So, my song is Pretty Woman, Roy Orbison version.

On Boating

2008-02-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

Back when I first started this blog, I listed a few things that I would talk about. One being "Do Me In The Butt Guy." I kept meaning to post that story, because it is one of my better ones, but I get sidetracked easily.

But today! Today I have nothing exciting going on, so I will tell you all the story of the man who asked me to do him in the butt.

A little over a year ago, my friend Kelly asked me to go with her on a spontaneous trip to Greenville, South Carolina to see an artist she loved play. Not having anything going on that weekend, I agreed. So off we went to see Will Hoge play at The Handlebar.

While there, Kelly and I notice a very cute young man taking photos of the show with a professional camera. Tall man? Hot. Tall and cute? Hotter. Tall, cute and talented with a camera? Hottest. So, not being a timid one, I scoot over close to him and watch over his shoulder as he flips through his pictures. He looks up, smiles, and I ask if I can see which is his favorite. Thus begins the flirting. Score!

So the night moves on, we exchange numbers and go our separate ways. He sends me a text, and tells me I'm the cutest thing he has seen, and would like to see more of me. He lives in Charleston.

Over the next month or so, we talk on the phone almost every night. It is fun, flirtatious, and the more he speaks, the hotter he gets. He is creative, an artist, takes AMAZING photos, sweet, smart, AND......he lives on a boat. Holy. Crap. I'm swooned.

One weekend, we decide that it is time for me to take a trip to Charleston. He sails and has a race and wants me to join him. So I drive the 5 hours from Atlanta to Charleston. I arrive on Friday night and spend a very romantic weekend sailing, roaming the streets of Charleston, admiring the architecture, and...well, "Sailing." It was a great weekend.

Fast forward about two weeks. It is late in the evening and we are talking on the phone.

DMITBG: "So, do you have any fantasies?"
SD: "Yeah, of course, who doesn't?"
DMITBG: "True. So, what are they?"
SD: coyly "I don't know you well enough for that."
DMITBG: "Oh come on, tell me."
SD: "I'll tell you if you tell me."
DMITBG: "OK. But I don't want to freak you out."

At this point, I'm not thinking anything weird is going to happen. I'm thinking he's going to say something typical or predictable, like him and two girls.

SD: "Trust me. I've heard it all. I don't get freaked out."
DMITBG: "OK. Well, I've always wanted to know what it feels like for a woman."
SD: "Um. What sex feels like a woman?"
DMITBG: "Yeah, that vulnerability, giving someone control over your body like that."
SD: nervous laugh "Ha Ha....well.....too bad it's not something you can really find out. Ha Ha."
DMITBG: "Well, I can come close, with your help."
SD: "Uhhhh....haha.....uhhhh"
DMITBG: "Would you wear a strap on and f*** me in the a**?"

Insert long, awkward silence here.

SD: "Uhhhh...ahhhh...weeeehhhhhhlllll...uhhhahhhhhh......"
SD: "I do not own a strap on."
DMITBG: "No worries. I'll bring it."

The resulting conversation was really me just being a scientist, asking if he had done it (No, but he had had a vibrator up there), if others girls were willing (again vibrator...it wasn't his), if he thought it would hurt, etc. You can imagine the questions that pop into your head when one asks you to sodomize him.

Since then, I have received numerous requests to visit or be visited, so DMITBG can live out this fantasy. I have no intention of helping him with this.

HOWEVER, this story has caused me to acquire a new nickname among my friends: Captain.

** I apologize to anyone who likes to be, or wants to be sodomized. I think no less of you. It's just outside of my realm.

Fun Monday!

2008-02-04T06:20:00.000-08:00

I love, love, love this week's Fun Monday!This week was hosted by Tiggerlane, and she wanted to know what's in our Bucket Lists. As in last week's post, i have a whole journal dedicated to my Bucket List, and it changes on a weekly basis. I add and amend things, and also cross some off as I accomplish them! So here are a few items out of my Bucket Book, in no particular order:

1. Meet and marry my best friend and soul mate. This is an obvious number one for single people, and as most of my content is about the trials and tribulations of looking for that person, it should come as no surprise. This always has and always will be number one!

2. Plant an herb and vegetable garden. I've always thought this would be a fun and relaxing activity, then I would get to cook my own produce. It's funny, but I see myself accomplishing this later in life, after my children are grown.

3. Ride in a helicopter. Over somewhere scenic, like Hawaii or Paris at night.

4. Learn to play the piano, and play it well.

5. Go to the Four Corners and stand in four states at one time.

6. Ride a horse through the countryside. I've only ever been on horses in those cheesy, tour guided trail rides. I want to do the real deal.

7. Visit the Greek Isles.

8. Go to an Elton John concert.

9. Purchase a home on my own, before I get married.

10. Take a mission trip to Africa.

11. Learn web design and coding.

12. Meet "Its Dave V." This is a guy I used to talk to on AIM when I first got it. I was 16. He was 22 and lived in California. We have spent hours and hours talking online and even some on the phone, but we have never met in person. We haven't talked in a few years, so I'm not sure if he still lives in the same place, but one day I would like to have coffee with him. His name is David Pearson, and last I knew of, he lived in Whittier, CA. :o)

13. See my University of Georgia Bulldogs win the national title.

So there are some, in no particular order. I keep my Bucket List by my bed so I can read it every night and remind myself of what all I have left to do in life!

Also - I have already accomplished some! Here are a few:

1. Visit the island that Madonna wrote "La Isla Bonita" about. I spent 8 days on the Ambergris Caye. I love Belize, I love the island, the culture, the food and everything there. However, 5 days is probably enough.

2. Visit the ancient ruins in Rome, Italy. Rome is fabulous. You can walk down th street and be in a modern five star restaurant, turn the corner and be staring at the Coliseum.

3. Come clean about Miguel. I moved in eighth grade. Before my move, I was shy, nerdy and didn't have too many friends. I had a few very good ones, but not a wide group of friends. I decided that when I moved, I would be somebody else. Someone confident and cool. So, upon meeting a group of girls who are still very close friends of mine to this day, I made up a story about a guy named Miguel who I had dated. In my 13 year old mine, "experienced" equated to "cool." I told my friends that Miguel and I had dated, kissed and at one point had licked chocolate syrup off of me when my parents weren't home. Oh, the things a 13 year old thinks are cool. At any rate, I earned the nickname "Cocoa" among my friends because of that story. The truth was, Miguel was a guy that I worked with at the zoo, he was older and I had a crush. That was all. I held on to so much guilt about this lie, because it became a part of me and my new identity. Finally, at age 25, I realized that my friendship with these girls was much deeper, and much stronger, than some silly story I made up as a kid. So one night over drinks, the story came up and I told them the truth. They were shocked, but thought it was hysterical. In all reality, it was no big deal to them, but to me, it was like a weight was lifted off. I knew then that we would be friends always.

4. Graduate college. While I come from a fairly affluent family and consider both of my parents to be very successful and smart, there aren't many college degrees floating around in my family. I wanted one so bad, I wanted to be one of the few who did it, and in May of 2004, I did. My degree hangs framed in my office to this day.

I feel like I am making headway on my bucket List, but I do hope it never becomes empty. My goal is to always have something to look forward to, to always have something to get excited about, and to always have that little journal to cross things off of.

Where are my Southern manners?

2008-01-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to start church laughing in the middle of an interview because you realize the girl you are interviewing looks like one of these guys?

Men are from.....Pluto? Wait, no, that's not even a planet anymore.

2008-01-30T19:06:00.000-08:00

So, Match.com.

On Match, you can click a button that says "Who's looked at me?".* When I click this button and see that a guy has viewed my profile, here is what goes through my head:

"Oh, I guess he wasn't interested. There must be something on my profile that didn't match him....maybe I'm too tall, or maybe he likes blonde women. Whatever."

Point being, if a guy looks at my profile and doesn't wink or email, I think he's not interested for whatever reason.

Now, I find that it works better to look at a guy and let him email, because here in the South, boys like to make the first move. And really, they are frightened by bold girls like me. So I will do a search and just look at guys. Sometimes I look at them and I pull a Joey Tribiani, and sometimes I look and....well....laugh and move on. But it never fails to prove an intrinsic difference between men and women.

Behold an email I received today. I get these emails all the time.

"ok thought i would wink first to see if i got your attention then i thought i would e-mail to see if we could chat. you viewed my profile so I must have caught your eye. what you see is what you get no game playing with me. would like to get to know more about you even just to become a friend. looking forward to hearing from you yes or no."

What is it about men that makes them think that they are all God's individual gift to women? And why can't women have that characteristic? I have to be honest, I think I would like to have that complete upfront self confidence. For the most part, I'm more confident than most women, but there is always that tiny inner voice that questions.

Sometimes, I think life would be much more simple as a man. What do you think?

* Can someone tell me how to make that sentence grammatically correct? With the quotation marks and all?

I'm so high tech.

2008-01-29T18:47:00.000-08:00

In response to my Fun Monday post, a few people asked how I numbered my photo. Well, I thought and thought about this, and I decided that it would be for the good of the blogging community to share my secret.

Microsoft Paint.

Yes, that's right, although I have access to and know how to use Photoshop, I decided to go with the very new, improved and oh-so-high tech Paint. Go ahead, be impressed.

Editor's Note: I'm sarcastic....but I really would be happy to tell you how to edit photos easily if you would like to know. Just ask!

Fun! Monday!

2008-01-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

I really like this Fun Monday thing because as I was faced with having to work an actual 5 day work week this morning, I remembered that I get to put a little something on here, and The Internet! They will look at it!

This week Angela is the hostess with the mostess and here's what she wants:

For today's Fun Monday, continuing in the spirit of "being interested in people", I would like to know, or see, what's on, in or under your bedside table! So open those draws and bare your soul to us! Is there anything special there that has a story or a memory that you can tell us about? Books that you keep there to delve into from time to time? Trinkets that you don't know where else to put? Let's see!

Unfortunately for those who look at my bedside table, this is going to be a little boring. The table is in the far corner of the room, and I just never go over there. So not much excitement makes its way there, but I'll show you what I do have.
So there it is, in all it's teeny tiny glory. I have it numbered for your convenience.

1. A glass of water. I always fix myself a glass of ice water before bed because I find it to be comforting. I suppose it's because when you are a little kid, you always ask your parents for a glass of water because that meant you got to stay up the few extra minutes it took for them to get it. I usually do not drink it.

2. Radio/alarm clock. It tries to wake me up.

3. Tar-jjjay lamp. I have another one sitting on my dresser.

4. Hand and foot cream. Gotta keep 'em soft!

5. A scented candle. For when I want to romance myself.

6. Books. From bottom to top: Maggie's book, My ever changing Bucket List, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (which I am currently reading), Vinegar Hill (next in line), and my fatass journal, where I write down what I eat so I won't get fat. :o)

7. Cellphone. It also tries to wake me up.

8. Pictures I have not yet hung. I love them, I just can't decide where to put them.

I also took a picture of the underside. I told myself that whatever was under there, I would still show. That could have gotten really embarrassing and really personal. Luckily, I have cleaned my room recently. :o)

1. Cell phone charger.

2. The rest of the Lord of the Rings series.

3. Camera battery recharger.

So there you have it. Had the assignment said to take a picture of your closet or dresser....that would been a lot longer for me to explain!!

5 Things to Note About San Diego

2008-01-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

I love travel. I love new places! I love when I get to go to them or free because it's a work trip, and I love even more when my best friend gets to go with me because she flies for free (YAY for being related to an airline employee!!)!!

Also, I love San Diego.

1. Since men are what is on my mind, I should start by commenting on the men. HELLO! The biggest difference between men in Atlanta and men in San Diego? West Coast men are REAL MEN. No man bag. No guyliner. No shoe closet that is bigger and more filled than mine. They are just laid-back, manly men. With five o'clock shadows and well-fitting blue jeans and surfer bodies. MMMmmmm.... Earth to Atlanta men! Girls like MEN, not metro-sexuals.

2. SEAFOOD. I mean, people always tell me that you just can't get good seafood in Atlanta unless you pay the price of a new baby tiger. I always blow it off because, hey, Savannah is not too far and that's on the water, right? But oh, no. I have two words for you: Fish. Tacos. Holy crap, if you are in San Diego, go to the Gas Lamp district and find Alambres. Order fish tacos. Thank me when you get back home.

3. Attitude. If you have read this blog at all, you know I think people in Atlanta have some attitude. When you go to a bar on a weekend, the bartender usually asks you what you want, serves it, shouts a price, cashes you out or opens a tab, and moves on to the next person. If you happen to tip big, he or she will yell a "Thanks" over their shoulder, and possibly ding a bell so other people know you are a high roller. While waiting on our flight, my BFF and I went to a bar in the Atlanta airport to have a drink. We met a friendly English man there, who was paying for his beer by the drink. He wasn't sure how our money worked, so he hadn't tipped her yet. She walked over to her friend and pointed at him and said, "I hope you tip me big because HE HASN'T TIPPED ME SHIT." I mean come on. Not so much in San Diego. I can honestly say I got a sincere thank you, with eye contact, from every service oriented person I encountered. Even away from the tourist sections. Not only that, but I went on a morning walk, and people walking or running by would smile and say good morning! Even a surfer climbing over the rocks back to his car stopped to say hello. People there are just nice, and seem happy. And maybe that is because they live in paradise, but why can't we all just be content with our surroundings? Life would be so much more fun that way.

4. Navy ships are big. Navy men....I cannot comment on. That is all.

5. Stay here. Don't believe them when they tell you it is $42 to get downtown. Find her. I did.

Picture Time!

Day 1: I had a little captain in me.

Searching for Kate. We found many, many of her friends. Do you see them? Oh yeah, internet, meet my best friend! Do I have to tell her I have a blog, now that she's on here?

Seals are funny.

Playseal.

Beautiful. La Jolla.

The one place in California that sucked the life out of us. This bar sucked. We thought there were Dementors in there. So we documented.

California makes me happy.

Napoleon must be mad at me.

2008-01-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

When I was 20, I moved to Orlando to do an internship for Disney World. I worked at an ice cream shop. I wore goofy outfits, smiled at mean parents and crying children and asked them "Would you like sprinkles on that?". Next to the shop I worked at was a very swanky restaurant which employed only the most experienced wait staff, high end guest services "concierges" (not hosts and hostesses,DUH) and actual chefs. Not cooks who have worked in chain restaurants, but actual chefs, who had degrees and snacked on things like foie gras and pate.

I was so impressed by this restaurant, and everyone who worked there.

One of the hosts, AHEM, concierges, used to come in to the shop and say hello to me every now and then. We'll call him Napoleon. Napoleon would come by on his break, or say hello and shoot me a wink as I walked through the back hallways. Finally, one day Napoleon sent me a note via a fellow concierge of his stating that he liked me and wanted to take me out.

Now, this made my day. Here was an older guy, who worked as a CONCIERGE at this swanky restaurant with actual CHEFS, and he liked me! Me, the awkward college kid who was serving sprinkles, or jimmies, or hundreds of thousands or whatever the hell you called them. I was beside myself, and I accepted the invitation to dinner.

One problem: Napoleon was short. Like 5'7 short.

People, I am tall! I am 5'11 barefoot and I love me some heels. So any given day I stand 6'1 in heels when I'm slouching.

But, I told myself to get over it, height is no big deal, he knows I tower over him and he doesn't care, so why should I?

So, Napoleon sets the date and he is going to pick me up and take me out. Everything goes as planned, Napoleon picks me up right on time and we head to the restaurant. He mentioned that I was wearing heels (come on, you find me a cute shoe with no heel, and this was 6 years ago when flats were SO not in style) and that he didn't expect me to. But he swore he didn't care, and laughed it off. We arrive at the restaurant and proceed to the front door.

As we are walking through the doorway, he reaches up and puts his hand on the top of my head and pushes down while saying, "Haha, you know, I just don't want you to hit your head on the way in."

Seriously? Did he really just do that?

The rest of the night was riddled "Amazon Woman" jokes and me getting so fed up with it that I asked him what his mother ate during her pregnancy that stunted his growth. Or did he have a hormone problem?

That night, I swore to never date a man shorter than me. Over time, short men have proven to me that they are never really ok with the woman being taller. And come on, who wants to date a man that you feel like you might break in certain.....situations?

Fast forward to now. I have a Match.com profile. I've had for a while, but haven't found anyone really worth keeping around yet. So after about 9 months of first dates and one bottle of red wine, I decide to change my profile. I was kind of cutesy, a bit long-winded and contained many, many exclamation points!!! And smileys!! :o)

So, I keep it straightforward:

If you can tell me where my headline came from, we'll definitely get along!

Cliff Notes of Me: I find humor in the little things in life. I'm very dry witted and sarcastic. I have an amazing family, whom I hang out with a lot. I also have amazing friends. I am strong willed and independent, and also the most loyal friend you will ever make. I like to start slow. Friends first, the rest comes naturally after that. If you can make me laugh, you're golden!

ALSO - I am tall. 5'11. Really, I'll know if you aren't exactly six feet tall. And, I like to wear heels. So in the effort to be honest, I prefer men taller than me. :o)

I LOVE the Georgia Bulldogs.

That is the exact text of my "About Me" section as of 3 days ago. Since then I have received:

One email from a 5'8 man in Nashville. 39 years old.
One wink and an email from a 5'10 man in Chicago. 37 years old.
One email from a 5'7 man in rural Georgia. 25 years old.
One wink and one email from a 5'9 man in rural Georgia. 25 years old.
One wink from a 5'9 man in my neck of the woods. 33 years old.
One wink from a 5'9 man in Atlanta. 23 years old.

Each email I received says something along the lines of:
"Greetings, I'm (name omitted to protect the innocent short man). I just noticed that we had exchanged glances, so I thought I would say hello. My guess is you looked at the profile to see how tall I am, and I'm not up to par."

Can someone explain this to me? All the short men in the world are uniting in an effort to kill my hopes that there remains a normal, tall man out there for me.

I'm headed to San Diego tomorrow for a few days. Please God, let there be some tall men out West. My hope needs to be restored. Desperately.

Reason #563 Why I Love American Idol

2008-01-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

Watch to the minute and a half mark. It's so worth it.

5 Things to Note Today

2008-01-14T17:11:00.000-08:00

1. Most Important - My ass looks great! Why, you ask? Because I got these for Christmas and I put them on even though I thought they would look terrible and my thighs would break right through them. And you know what? They are incredibly flattering. Let me just tell you, I could kick Kim Kardashian's ass in an ass contest.

Proof Positive:
My Best Friend, as we were leaving the grocery tonight: "Uhm, so, not to sound weird, but your ass looks great in those pants."

Southern Doll, taken aback: "Really??"

BF: "Yeah, like I want to do more butt machines at the gym so my ass will be like UH and up there and all."

2. Fun Monday is FUN! Hi, everyone! Thanks for commenting! Thanks to Fianna to be my first reader/commenter! Thanks to Peter for answering my question on how to participate! I'm going to like this blogging thing.

3. I must always go to the gym between the hours of 5:45 and 7:00. Hello, all the hot men in Kennesaw!

4. I got my red Slanket in the mail today. Love!

5. I heard from Cocky Bastard! Yay!

Fun Monday!

2008-01-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

So, this is my very first Fun Monday post! Yay!

The challenge is this:
I want to hear about a web site and not just about any old web site. I want to hear about a web site that's changed your life. A web site that you can't live without. A web site whose inventor you'd like to see win a McArthur Genius Grant.

Maybe you want to sing the praises of a dating web site for helping you meet your spouse. Maybe the only thing getting you through the dark days of winter is an Internet comic. No story is too big, no story is too small - I want to hear it all on Monday.

Our host:
Ann

Thanks Ann!

Now to the good stuff. I am fairly new to this whole blogging thing, but I am not new to blog stalking. Oh, no, I have been stalking perfect strangers via the Internet for several years now. I have a list of blogs I stalk regularly, which are posted in my sidebar. I love celebrity gossip. I would love to be Maggie Mason's and Jason Mulgrew's friend. So I suppose the story of how I became a blog stalker will appropriately lead into the "Blogs that Changed My Life."

Yes, there are two. Both equally deserving, changed me in different ways, and choosing between them was like choosing between dark chocolate and bleu cheese steaks. Impossible. :o)

My dear friend Toph used to write a blog regularly. He is much more technologically advanced, and he introduced me to his blog years ago. He told me what it was about, and showed me to a few famous blogs. He doesn't really write on it much anymore, as his passion has moved from writing to culinary arts.

One of the first blogs he showed me was Dooce, the chronicles of Heather Armstrong. The day he showed me her site, I went home and read every post she had ever written. her humor and her honesty struck me. This was real life! She writes about marriage, motherhood, struggles with depression and just daily life. I could not believe that someone out there was brave enough to let the whole world into their very personal thoughts. But Dooce does it, she does it well and now, she does it for a living.

Recently, Heather redesigned her site to include more of her and her husband's amazing photography and to create a larger and more user-friendly site. I visit Dooce every day. I know that at 12:00 pm EST, she will have new pictures up. I can't wait until the day she starts selling her amazing photography.I look forward to hearing about her adorable daughter, her funny take on life and the world, and mostly, I look forward to being inspired by the honesty with which she shares her life.

Dooce is hands down the reason I believe in blogging.

Once the blog bug was in me, I used Toph's website as a starting point to find other blogs. He linked to other famous blogs as well as blog's of friends. I found a blog of a girl that he knew in college (I can't remember the address now to link it....), and via her website, I found Crazy Aunt Purl.

If Dooce is the reason I started reading blogs, Crazy Aunt Purl is the reason I decided to write one. Laurie is just a girl, living in Los Angeles, who got divorced. And she blogged about it. She does it with such brutal honesty that even if you have never been close to going through what she has, your heart will feel as if it is. She writes about being up, down, living, learning and just figuring it out. For Christmas, one of my gifts was Laurie's book. I sat down on Christmas night at 7:30 and did not get up until I finished. Well, I did get up around Chapter 30 to pour a glass of red wine.

Laurie will make you want to live life, and do it honestly and to your fullest potential, and do it for you. She inspires me to be open and to learn to be happy as me. Her blog has made me laugh and cry. Her post from when one of her cats, Roy, passed on is the reason I got Maggie. I wanted that connection with something living, and I knew I had that much love to give to an animal.

So there you have it. Dooce got me started, Crazy Aunt Purl jump started me. I check them both daily, and feel just a little disappointed when they aren't updated. I get inspired to write this here blog! I highly recommend these two lovely ladies, if you haven't visited their sites.

Are you kidding me?

2008-01-13T16:26:00.000-08:00

When I got a cat, I signed up for cute, cuddly, fuzzy purring fun times. I got that! Maggie is sweet! And she purrs! And plays well with others!

I did not sign up for blood in her pee, causing me to FREAK THE F*** OUT and fight her to take her to the vet, where they give me an antibiotic that I have to force down her throat at 5:30 in the afternoon for two weeks.

I also did not sign up for a relaxing Sunday evening at home, cleaning up the house and getting ready for the new week, which includes cleaning out the cat box and finding that OH MY GOD THERE IS SOMETHING NOT RIGHT IN MAGGIE'S POOP. Commence the freakout.

Upon further investigation, Google searches, and finding one too many pictures of tapeworms coming out of butts (feline and human alike) that I could ever care to see, I decide that my baby has a tapeworm, and that the medicine she is on is killing it and now it is coming out.

I did not sign up for that!!!

So, my Sunday evening has consisted of freaked out phone calls to my parents (because somewhere in my subconscious, I still believe that they can fix everything for me) and the collection of a stool sample to take to the vet. There is currently a target bag hanging on my bathroom door knob, just staring at me, taunting me.

"Hi, I'm a poop. I'm not where I belong, either. I'm not flushed, in the box, or in the trash. Nope, I'm a poop, hanging on your door."

When I envision my life as a young, fun, single gal in the South, I do not envision Sunday nights playing with poop.

On a happy note, tomorrow is Fun Monday! My first!! I am excited about that. :o)

Carnage in Kennesaw

2008-01-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when you try to stuff an angry cat who hasn't been able to pee for 2 days into a cardboard carrier to take her to the vet.

Before:

After:

For a nine month old kitty, Maggie packs a lot more punch than one might think.

"I carry my strength in my tummy. It is not fat, it is muscle."

"Here, this is a better angle."

"I have got to start working out more."

New Year!

2008-01-09T11:52:00.001-08:00

Hi! It's a new year!

I guess I've been a little AWOL for the past week or two...OOPS!

In looking over my past few posts, I've been very melancholy and melodramatic...enough of that! One of my New Year's resolutions is to be more fun and less "I'm a twenty-something trying to figure it out, let me go ponder the world over my coffee." So, with that being said....

I brought in the new year with a bang!! Literally! Hahah...

There's another guy hanging around that I have only mentioned here once in passing, at the time I was more excited to have gone on a normal date. We'll name him CB, short for "Cocky Bastard." He's not necessarily a cocky bastard, but for some reason, I have it stuck in my mind that he is. Then, when we talk or hang out, it surprises me when he's genuine or even sweet.

So CB has been hanging around a couple months now, we see each other only every once in a while. I don't think CB will turn into a relationship, and I'm totally ok with that. He is a nice, good looking guy and we have fun, just as two people only wanting to have some fun. And, a week ago, that is what we did.

And boy, was it fun!

The thought of having a friend with a benefit or two is kind of appealing to me right now, as the whole dating thing has been less than stellar lately. So I saw CB on Friday, talked to him Saturday and he said he would call in a few days so we could hang out this week. So, now the waiting game. I hate the waiting game, but what can you do? I kind of think he might call. :o)

Recovery.

2007-12-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

For me, the holidays are always a time of recovery. At the end of each year, I take stock of what my life was like versus what I wanted it to be, and whether that outcome is good or not, I take the last two weeks of the year to come to terms with myself and just let it be.

I hang out with my parents and my brothers. I laugh with family. I anticipate our Christmas Eve dinner. I recover.

And it works. This system works for me, gets me excited for a new year, new changes, new ideas and maybe, one day, a new me. Not that I need or want a new me, but I am always open to just being new.

For me, this year has been the most introspective year. In the past, I have always had the attitude of "it is what it is, and I'll make the best of it." But this year, age 26, I found myself questioning decisions, past and present and trying to figure out why. Why am I this way or that way, why am I stubborn, why am I scared? I don't think I have the answer to everything yet, but I think I've found a way to change what needs to be changed. I need to let go. I need to let people see the soft and vulnerable side of me. I need to love and let people love me. I love that I am strong and independent, but I don't want that to be all I am. I need to be more well rounded, and I think that will be my resolution this New Year's. I will let go. I will let people in. I will trust people other than myself.

I last posted about seeing The BreakUp for the first time since we broke up. I had time to think about it, and I probably will some more. But after some alone time, time with family and recovery over the holidays, and after talking to the Best Friend about their little dinner date, I came to the conclusion that I don't think he needs to be in my life. I don't want him there. For one, I don't agree with some decisions he has made in the past, and according to Best Friend, decisions he is still making. To me, he has become less of a person. He is no longer the man I used to be so close to, the man I thought I could love, the man who had a strong character. He says he is happy now, and I am glad for that. I do wish him happiness, and I want him to have a good life. I just don't think either of us are the same people, so I'm ready to let it go.

I have a tendency to hold on to people. Former relationships, bad friendships, people that bring your life down. It's not that these people are bad people, maybe we just aren't meant to be in each other's lives. Maybe we just don't fit well together and when we try to, we end up breaking each other more than necessary. So I need to learn to let people go, too.

All in all, I'm ok. I have a much clearer vision of who I am and want to be. I know the people who do fit into my life and I can't wait to meet new people who fit there, too. I truly have a great (and growing) family. I love them! I have amazing friends.

And, I have a plan to make 2008 "The Year I Let Go....And Start to Really Live!"

So, in an effort to let go of pointless fears, here are some pictures of the Southern Doll herself. Enjoy! :o)

Here is me, at the beach this summer with my girls.

And definitely one of my better moments, on Christmas Eve with my mommy. Her face has been deleted, to protect the innocent, you know.

And, what kind of mommy would I be if I didn't post a picture of my baby. Meet Maggie!

Wow.

2007-12-20T16:05:00.000-08:00

I just saw The BreakUp for the first time since I broke up with him. Almost a year ago. We've been through more since our breakup than before, which is a long story that I'm not in the mindset to tell right now. I don't know what to say here, I was thrown for a loop. I didn't know he was coming until about 30 minutes before he showed up to pick up my roomie. So, I started cleaning, which is what I do when I don't know how to handle things. I was literally, standing in the closet when he got here. I had to take a deep breath and force myself to go out and hug him. Like always, I faked nonchalance like a champ. I hugged, smiled, small talked and then said bye. No Big Deal. Right?

Wrong.

And I don't know why. Well, I do, I guess but I don't know how to fix that about me. I know I never loved him as more than a dear friend. I know I am not attracted to him in a romantic way. He has made some decisions lately that I do not agree with, and because he made them, I lost some respect for him. I know these things are true, so why did my stomach flip when I heard his voice in my home?

When I break up with someone, whether or not I do it or he, I feel the need to prove myself better. I have to get hotter, move on faster, date someone faster, get laid faster, fall in love faster. I know in my heart that this comes from a need to build back up my self esteem and prove myself. Prove to myself that yes, you can fall in love and someone will fall in love with you, and it will last forever. What I don't know is how to fix that. How do you just make it go away and be confident and complete in yourself?

My thoughts are so scattered right now, I need some time to compile them. Over the past few days I have been working on posts about the woes of dating, but now it all seems to petty. All of a sudden, I realized that I had bigger issues to fix, bigger worries to come to terms with. I need to get away, I think, be alone with my thoughts and come to terms wit myself, where I am now and where I want to be.

Why do your twenties have to be so hard?

Putting It Out There.

2007-12-05T17:46:00.000-08:00

So I have seen Babyface twice now, and we have talked on the phone everyday since we met. On our last date, we watched Monday Night Football at my house and ordered pizza. he held my hand, we chatted all night, he left in time for me to get to bed and still get my six hours of sleep. For all intents and purposes, things are going well.

So why did I start to freak out today?

I met Babyface via my Internet Dating Service of Choice. Today, I was checking my email on the site and I noticed that he was "online now." Ugh. Now, I know we've only known each other for a few weeks, and I know that we are not anything serious, but just seeing that he was on there looking at other women made me a little sad. It made all those little insecurities that I hide away from everyone come out.

Am I boring him?
Am I not good enough?
Am I not pretty enough?
Is he only hanging out with me until something better comes along?

There is a side of me that is brave, confident and knows that any man would be lucky to have me. I am smart, beautiful, easy to get along with, confident and I know what I want out of life. Then there is a side of me that is still a chubby, nerdy little girl with not many friends. That side of me questions myself, and in the past, it was this ugly side that when it would rear its head, I would push men away. Instead of staying the fun, carefree, confident me, I would turn into the clingy girlfriend who questioned everything.

And here I am again, starting to question things. Which I know is ridiculous, that is the difference. now i can stop myself, override the insecurity. Fake it! But the question is, how do I make it go away? How do I stop it from happening? Does it happen to everyone? Or when you meet The One, does it not happen??

I wish I knew the answer. I suppose for now, all I can do is be confident, believe in myself and let the cards fall where they may.

And the truth is - I am ready. It may not be Babyface, it may not be with the one after Babyface, but I'm ready! I'm ready to not worry, to not wonder, and to feel 100% confident in myself and I'm ready to just be with someone, and be comfortable.

Edit: Not 5 minutes after hitting "Publish Post," I get a text from Babyface asking me how my night was going. Maybe when you actually put yourself out there, you admit your weaknesses, God or The Universe rewards you. :o)

Excitement!!

2007-12-03T22:15:00.000-08:00

I just finished with a very good second date with a new boy, whom we will nickname Babyface. I wonder why? Could he be younger than me??

But for now, this is beside the point. What is the point, you ask??

Laurie answered my question!!!! Holy crap, Crazy Aunt Purl gave me advice!!!! I can hardly stand it.

So go here and read all Laurie's cool advice. From one Southern Doll to another, it's fabulous! Good stuff and not to mention FREAKING HYSTERICAL. And then keep reading her. And buy her book, too! It is on my Christmas list. If I was cool enough to know how, I would totally post the cool picture of her book so you could click on it and buy it, but alas, I am stuck with text.

My question was basically about this here site, and revealing personal info and overcoming the fear of letting those who know me the best know my most personal thoughts and also, being stalked by a total psycho.

To answer my question, Laurie very graciously said that yes, Southern Doll, there is fear in everything BUT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN STALKED YOU CRAZY LADY YOU. Ok, not really like that, she was much nicer, as you can read. But the point is, don't be scared! Move forward! Live your life!

So since Laurie and her wisdom are like my Southern Sherpa, I will begin revealing more. I will slowly try to let go of fear. I will post pictures! I will go ahead and make this a real, actual blog!

Hi, Internet. My name is Courtney. I am 26 and I live in Kennesaw, GA.

Look at me go!

Oh, kids.

2007-11-27T13:27:00.001-08:00

Amidst the craziness of 10 four year olds and two adults, one child who needs a Kleenex desperately, one who wants to light-saber everyone near him and another who WANTS TO PLAY DODGEBALL!!! PLEASE, DODGEBALL!! PLLLEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!

Jake, who is 4: "You guys sure are lucky you have me, because I'm so well behaved."

Quote of the Day

2007-11-24T10:52:00.001-08:00

Overheard yesterday, while watching the LSU/Arkansas game:

"Dick had to come out."

Seriously, I do not know how the announcer said it without laughing. Also, I am 12.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-23T05:43:00.000-08:00

I'm a day late, but I was having such a great day yesterday that I didn't want to get on the computer for any amount of time and miss the family and food greatness that is Thanksgiving. The holidays really hit home for me just how lucky I am. It makes me realize that I am a jerk for ever feeling sorry for myself or my "plight in life" or my "eternal singleness." Give me a break! I am so blessed. I have an amazing, loving family and amazing, loving friends. I have nothing to ever be sad about. So, here's my Top 5 things I am thankful for.

1. I have a huge, sometimes crazy, Southern family, and we all get along. We actually love each other, have fun together and look forward to the crazy, hectic holidays together. I hear so many stories of how hard the holidays are for families - split families, divorced families, families that don't get along. But yesterday we all hugged, sat around stuffing ourselves, catching up, drinking red wine and talking about how old we feel because the kids are getting so big. We watched the little ones stand on the stairs and sing "Jesus Loves Me" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and then cheered and clapped like it was the most amazing accomplishment ever. We felt babies move in bellies and laughed at the old ones drinking Crown Royal. It was four hours of happiness and warmth and comfort. I would give any of them a kidney or a liver, if they needed it, and I really think they would do the same for me.

2. I have three girlfriends from high school. We were all pretty inseparable then. We went to college, one in Tennessee, one in Missouri, and myself and another stayed close to home. We grew apart, did our own things, one even lived in China for three years. We weren't always great at keeping in touch, but when we did, it was like nothing changed. You can't break that kind of bond, one that is made out of sheer will to believe in our friendship and make it work. Now we have all made our way back home, and we made a commitment to have dinner together once a month. It is incredible. I love that day out of the month. Yesterday morning, one of these girls ran a marathon. Myself and another of us decided to surprise her about halfway through. We caught up with her at the 17 mile mark and stood on the side of the road with signs, cheering her on. She had just run 17 miles, but the look on her face was pure joy and surprise that we would do that for her. I am so grateful for those girls.

3. I am thankful for the years that go by. Every year, I feel like I get closer and closer to myself, to being the me I want to be, and being that me around everyone I meet. I used to feel like I had to change who I was according to who I was around, that I had to be cooler or funnier or better. The older I get, the less I feel that way, and I am so glad.

4. I am thankful that I have found a church that I can finally, finally, feel comfortable in. It is a place that is welcoming, open, and friendly, and I want to go. I want to be there, and work there, and I want to do better in life so the people there will be proud of me. It is truly genuine, and I thank God every day for creating that environment.

5. My job is amazing. I genuinely like it. I work for a group of people who believe in doing the right thing, treating the employees and customers the right way and putting family and faith first. They listen to me, help me in a career path, and help me grow. Being that it is my first job out of college, I am extremely lucky to be where I am. I am not in a cube farm, churning out work for a 1/2% raise a year, I am not working for a hellish boss who only wants me to make more coffee and I am not working at a giant corporation where my voice can't be heard. The place I work and the people I work for are quite the opposite of all of that. I am lucky!

So there you have it, that is my life's Big Five. I have a smile today, and when I start to feel bad for myself again, I will read this post and kick my own ass for being silly.

(Editor's Note - I am also thankful for Downy Lavender & Vanilla laundry detergent and dryer sheets. That stuff smells like heaven and there is nothing better than getting in clean sheets that smell that yummy. Seriously, it is expensive, but oh so worth it.)

Normalcy!

2007-11-21T06:02:00.000-08:00

I hear trumpets! Victory bells! Huge sighs of relief from Mother Nature. I am reassured, and I once again believe that it can be!

Last night - I went on a date. A good one. With.....A NORMAL MAN.

No monkies! No pink panties under his bed! No requests involving strap on extras (Oh, Internet, I have yet to share that story...)!!

Now, the actual date was comedic - we went to see a lyrical artist called Aesop Rock. We were by far the oldest and most sober people there. And that is saying something because I am only 26, and was drinking Stella. The first two artists were techno-funk DJs who stood on stage and spun with weird movies playing in the background - the kind of thing that would make you eat your hair if you were on drugs. So I was told, anyway, I've never done a drug. And the kids in this place were dancing like they had odd twitches in their extremities. One girl actually was a hobbit, I think. But, it made for excellent people watching and conversation.

So the date was fun, and the guy was surprisingly normal. I did not think he would be, I actually went in thinking he wouldn't be my type. I thought he was going to be the metro sexual typical "Gym Guy", but he surprised me. Which was nice.

The kiss at the end of the night was nice, too.

So the Southern Doll is happy, and once again believes that there is hope for normalcy.

Normalcy

2007-11-20T05:35:00.000-08:00

Last night I was having my first phone conversation with a new guy from Internet Dating Service of Choice. We'll call him Ross. Ross is nice enough, but a little awkward and makes the occasional inappropriate joke, for a first conversation.

Me: Well, it didn't work out for us, but he was nice enough.
Ross: Man, you just throw guys away, huh?
Me: No, I just wasn't attracted to him.
Ross: Poor dude.
Me: Well, I can give you his MySpace name, if you want to be his friend. You know, if you are feeling sorry for him.
Ross: Uhm, no thanks, I don't eat sausage.

Really? Did he really say that? He did, but I can chalk that up to nerves and the awkwardness of the first call. Right? So we continue on with the conversation. We're talking about my kitty and pets in general and I ask him if he has any.

Me: So, do you have pets.
Ross: Yeah, I do.
Me: So.....what do you have?
Ross: It's not normal. Not many people have what I have.

(Side note - it is never good to hear a man say that. RED. FLAG.)

Me: Well, are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?
Ross: I'll give you three guesses. If you don't guess it, you have to come to my house to find out.
Me, thinking: Ha! This guy thinks he is being coy and tricking me into a date.
Me: Fine. A Ferret?
Ross: No!
Me: A Chinchilla?
Ross: Nooooo!
Me: A monkey? My mom had monkeys when she was little. But like the kind that are illegal now, you could mail order them back in the 60s.
Ross: *snickers*
Me: So you have a monkey.
Ross: Yes, I have monkeys.
Me: You have more than one?
Ross: Eight.
Me: You have eight monkeys.
Ross: Yes. They have a room they live in. And no, I do not spank my monkeys.
Me: That thought had not even crossed my mind.

See? My life really is a sitcom.

Dirty Laundry

2007-11-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

So a few days ago I introduced Mr. Walgreen to The Internet. He and I met via my Internet Dating Service of Choice about 3 months ago. We have been dating casually since then, talking on the phone once during the week and a date on the weekend. At first I was pretty turned off by his job, and by his seeming lack of interest in growing up for a man his age. He was just a dude, at a job he didn't call a career, watching football and making it happen. But, I kept him around because he was fun. My only gripe was that he was kind of a last minute planner. Like, would wait until Thursday to make a date. I am planner, people! I plan! I usually know what I'm doing on the weekend by like Tuesday. Call me OCD if you like, but it's part of my charm. :o)

About three weeks ago, he mentioned he was looking for a new job, a Real Job. Big Boy Job. Yay! AND he called on a SUNDAY and planned for a weekend date! Things were looking up, and Mr. W was growing on me. Even though my cat was trying to tell me something by cock blocking me. Whatever.

Well.

Move ahead to last night. My friend had two extra tickets to a hockey game. She asked if I wanted to double date. I say yes, and Mr. W can go. Great! Fun! Double Date! So, we go, watch football, our team WINS so all is good and we go to the hockey game. I don't know much about hockey but games are large fun. So it was good times and me and Mr. W head back to his place. He invites me in, and we are tired so he invites me to stay there. I do, since he is much closer to my church, which I have to go to int he morning. So, all is good, we change and go to bed.

Let me add that the whole night was very G-Rated. Which I thought was unusual, since the last time we went out it was not G-Rated, even though my kitty never let it get X-Rated. But, I wrote it off as being tired. We cuddled a little, and chatted, then went to sleep.

Morning rolls around, and he has to leave for work before I have to leave for church. So he tells me I can stay, no big deal, and he leaves. Being the Southern Doll, I decide it's polite to make the bed before I go. So, I do.

I'm tucking in the sheets on "my side" and I notice something funny on the floor. Not under the bed, just kind of on the side. So, I pick it up, with a wrinkle in my forehead. What is it?

A pair of pink cotton underwear. Full butts. Victoria's Secret Body By Victoria, actually. Size large.

NOT MINE.

Wow, this is gross. What do I do? I'm confused. Confusion is quickly turning into anger. I text my best girlfriends asking what to do. But before they can respond I have decided.

I make the bed (very nicely), place the pillows, turn the covers down. And place the pink panties right in the middle. My only regret is not taking a picture of it.

So it's about 10:40 PM now. He hasn't called, texted, acknowledged it in any way. I doubt he will, because from my experience, men are Avoiders. I do wish he would, though, because I would LOVE to hear his explanation. And have the chance to tell him what a douche he is that he can't even clean up after his hoe. ha!

I am SO SO happy that I did not sleep with him. I guess God and my cat really do have my back!

Cock Blocked....By My Cat!

2007-11-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while for me.....like since July. I have not been boinked since July. There, I said it. I have been trying to be really good! And I've done really good! But now I need to get boinked. Badly.

So, I've been seeing Mr. WalGreen's for a couple months now...casually. He calls once a week, we hang out, have dinner, a few drinks....normal dating routine. I have spent the night at his house once, it was pretty G-rated.

So last night he comes over, we are watching football, I lose (another) bet and now owe him dinner AND dessert. Things are going lovely, we're having fun, drinking some red wine....good times. We decide it's time for bed.

Things are getting hot and heavy. It's nice! He's a great kisser, and while he seems like he wants me to make the first move, he's fun. It's going well. So I make the first move. It works. In my head, I'm thinking "Thank God! I'm going to get laid!" Then, conversation ensues.

Mr. WalGreen: "Uhm, I think your cat just jumped on the bed."
SD: "She did? I didn't notice."
Mr. W: "Yeah....uhm....she's on my foot."
SD: "Well, kick her off the bed. It's fine."
Mr. W: "......"

So here I make a move to find the cat and shoo her off my bed so we can get on with the getting on. Mission Accomplished.

Mr. W: "Uhm. I lost it. I'm sorry."
SD: "What?"
Mr. W: "Yeah...the cat thing.....I know you're pissed. I can't help it."

And he rolls over and passes out. WOW. I am so lucky. Cock Blocked by my cat. Who knew that could happen??

When will it end?

2007-11-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

I work for a very good company. I love my job. A few months ago, the man who created my position left the company, and while I learned so much from him and he is responsible for me loving what I do, things have gotten so much better since he left. I now split my time 50/50 between two bosses. Both are great to work for, if I do what is expected of me, and I do it well, they are happy. So I do, it is a win-win situation, we trust each other and it all works out great.

Usually.

Three weeks ago, Boss #2 and I were making the final arrangements for Big Event of the Year. Tensions were high, we were probably being ugly to each other. I know I was not being flexible. I do this when I'm stressed. Just leave me alone and let me do my job, I'll get it done. Hello, Great Wall of Back Off, I'm Good at What I Do. So, Boss #2 wants to have a Principal's Dinner at a nice restaurant here in town. Conversation ensues:

Southern Doll: "I've made the reservations for 14."
Boss #2: "14? I only count 13....."
SD, listing through all the Principals: "....and you and me."
2: "Oh. Well, I think it would be best if you sat this one out."
SD: " OK....can I ask why?"
2: "Because you are a woman."

Imagine the transition....we go from normal conversation, working out logistics to my eyes turning red and steam coming from my ears.

SD: "You are serious. Do you realize how unfair that is?"
2, in a whiny voice, giving me a pleading look: "Its the boys club. You understand."

Nothing made me madder than his assumption that I would be a-ok with being left out BECAUSE I WAS BORN WITH A VAGINA. No, sir.

SD: "No, 2, I do not understand. I will not understand. It is not fair and I am not ok with it. I won't be."

And in the meantime, can I get you more coffee and warm your socks? Because that is what my vagina is telling me I need to do.

I'm trying to win this!

2007-10-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

So, Dyson has made these great pink vacuums. I want one! For every one sold, they donate $40 to Breast Cancer Research. There's contest! Win a Dyson “Pink” Vaccuum in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month
You should enter too!

Risk

2007-10-04T05:43:00.000-07:00

Hasn't everyone who has ever done something great for themselves taken some measure of risk?

I love this. It is so very true, and can be applied to any person, in any walk of life, and any risk or attempt at greatness.

I want to be the person people look at and say "Man, she really took a huge leap of faith there, but look how well it turned out!". I think in my life, I have had those chances and not taken them, so now I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can create those chances, or dream up a risk to take that will really pay off in the end.

Hello, risk? Here I am. I'm ready for you! I will kick your ass.

This and That

2007-10-02T13:20:00.000-07:00

So, I've been back from Vegas for over a week now, and I have a post in mind about it, but it's been so long that the fire and excitement of those thoughts are dying out. My prime time for creativity and productivity is between the hours of 9:00 and 2:00, but I'm at work during those hours. When I get home, I generally want to work out, cook dinner and lay around.

I'm also trying to think of more ways to make this more interesting and creative. So maybe one day I will have a return reader. That will be nice! I was thinking of adding a style section, photography, products I love....I need to learn how to actually add those things!

One day, this place will be cool. I look forward to it.

I love how Blogger says that I was born in the year of the Rooster. Come on, Blogger, it's the year of the Cock. We all know that.

I am a genius.

2007-09-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am standing in the kitchen with Ops Manager:

Ops: "Southern Doll, do you know where the second fire extinguisher is?"
Me: "No......I've seen the one up front, but never the second one."
Ops: "........"
Ops: "So you have no idea that you are standing next to one...."
Me: "uhhh.....Yeah. That would be correct."

Viva Las Vegas

2007-09-20T15:46:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I fly to Vegas for a bachelorette party. Let the debauchery begin!

Things like this make my day better.

2007-09-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

A fax is received at 3:09:

To: HR Department / Accounts Receivable
From: Curvaceous Bass

For real? Do parents think before they name their children things like this?

Good Conversation With an Old Friend

2007-09-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm talking with The BreakUp today and we hit a nugget of wisdom:

Me: "We've reached a whole new level."
The BreakUp: "Ahh yes. I think it is the next logical step for us...see each other's junk (and enjoy)...don't talk for a while...talk about nothing....make fun of the other's new endeavors."
Me: "It's all a part of the 'I did you and now I don't' process."

Isn't that true, though? When you break up with someone, isn't it like a small death? I need to research the five steps of grief, or whatever it is, because I think it can apply to break ups, especially monumental ones. I mean, at first The BreakUp and I tried to just jump back into friendship....it went over as well as a pregnant pole vaulter. It took time, anger, patience, acceptance and now, humor. it's working though, I think. It has been a lesson for me. I can't control other people's lives, even mine sometimes. I have to accept them as they are and for the choices they make.....isn't that what friendship is?

It is much easier said than done.

Who Am I?

2007-09-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

Who are you? And why would I want to read about you??

Well, good questions. I'm just a girl trying to make it happen. What, I don't know. Something, though. And there are so many times I think to myself, "Damn, that shit's funny. I can't believe it just happened to you. I better write this down so I don't forget." So I'm really just trying to get it all down on paper (the Internet? My computer? I don't know the high-tech conversion of that saying....) so I can laugh at me when i have Alzheimer's and don't remember me.

Got it? Good, now we can go on being friends.

I promise I won't write about what I had for lunch - that is boring. And plus, sometimes, I don't want to admit it. But I do promise to bring to the table the great follies of my life - past, present and future. With a huge focus on love, lust and sex. Being a Southern girl with all that charm and a Big Northern Attitude, I do attract comedy.

This is going to be fun, guys! What, you don't believe me? Just another blog? OK, I'll leave you with a teaser list of stories to come:
1. "Do Me In the Butt" guy
2. How to Get a Vacation Paid For by a Stranger - WITHOUT Sex
3. Weekly Favorites - Ways to Remind Yourself the World Is, Indeed, Good
4. What NOT to say

Stay! Read! Laugh at me! We'll do this together!