24 May, 2008

The Law of Attraction

The day after I got laid off, I woke up and came into the living room to find that my sweet roomie had left me a book to read with a cute little note telling me to enjoy my day off. The book was The Secret. Have ya'll read it?

I haven't made it through the whole book, but the basic premise is the Law of Attraction. Basically, whatever dominates your thoughts is what you will get.

Fact: About 6 weeks before the actual laying off, I started making jokes that I wished they would just lay me off so I could just up and move to San Diego. I actually even went to my bosses and asked them if my job was safe, because I was sensing that change was in the air. I was promised that I would be kept in the loop, which ended up being a lie, but that is a WHOLE DIFFERENT POST. Point being? My friend Holly and I started doing all this wishful thinking and planning our move. It dominated my thoughts until it happened. The laying off, that is.

Fact: Big Texticles texted his way into my life a few days ago. I have told that story countless times now. I blogged it. I had beers and made fun of his text happiness with friends. I belabored over how can a man think it's appropriate to just text someone instead of call???

So what happens last night? I get ANOTHER text. Asking me out. From ANOTHER man whom I have never spoken to on the phone. Seriously.

OK, so I know when one door opens, another closes, and when life kicks you in the ass, make sure it kicks you forward and all. How long does the door get to hit my ass on the way out? My ass is tired, and sore from the kicking.

Oh, and what am I doing right now? I'm in my robe, towel on my wet hair, consciously standing up Big Texticles. I think. I mean we said we could maybe reschedule for Saturday. but left it kind of open....

I don't think that's doing anything good for my karma.

22 May, 2008

Why Am I Home Right Now?

One might wonder, what is a young, single girl who claimed to have a mystery date tonight doing sitting on the sofa watching How Do I Look?

Well, that is indeed a good question.

I was on the way, getting gas to fuel the drive into Atlanta to be exact, when the random gas station attendant walks up to me and says "Ma'am, your right front tire is a little low on air, you might want to check on that."

So, I walk around and look...and....half flat.


So I go home and try to make the roomie convince me that it's ok, and a little air will fix the problem. But we both know better and she looks at me and says "Well, if you put some air in it, you can probably make it down there....(and.....fade to black.)".

What she's really saying is: "Girlfriend I know you you are trying to be upbeat and you're all dressed up to go meet the new guy, but that bitch is flat and you need to stay home and let my honey fix it for you tomorrow."

So, I stay home, and here I sit, very cute, in a lovely green dress all make-uped up and yummy smelling, dining on Chick-Fil-A.

Hi World? Remember when I asked you to be a little sweeter to me? I meant that sincerely...

So stop being a bitch. Bless your little heart.


Oh! And. I call Mr. Text to cancel and he was nice enough about it. But three things:

1. He's very Buckhead. You may not understand that if you are not from Atlanta, but it means he seems like the dress to impress, metro-sexual, salesman type. Buckhead men and I don't tend to get along too well.

2. He (aside from only communicating via text) texted me earlier asking if we could push it back an hour. Uhm. CALL, you Buckhead ass!

3. During my actual call to tell him about my flat, he said something along the lines of "Well, I guess I could go up there, but you know, it's Kennesaw....." As if because I live slightly north of the city, I'm not good enough for the drive. (Atlanta has this weird Inside the Perimeter versus Outside the Perimeter thing....whole other subject.)

So anyways, I'm really, really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but he has struck a small nerve in me. So I've given him a new nickname, other than Mr. Text. The man is 6'5", so his new name is....

Big Texticles.

21 May, 2008

Tips for Surviving Unemployment.

Hi, World? Please stop kicking my ass.


So, I've been unemployed for one week and two days. Yay! I am really trying to be all happiness and sunshine about it, because PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, I know this could potentially be the best thing ever. I get it, I have ideas to make that happen and I'm working on it. But let's just not talk about that fact until it's true for me, ok?

So here's what I've been doing to survive.

1. Make your friends take care of you. Hey you know what? You have them for a reason. They might just do it, and they might just do it real good. Like, leave you sweet notes and inspiring things to read. Or text you the name of a recruiter thye just met. Or get you drunk. Fun!

2. Stay busy. Even if it means organizing the Tupperware cabinet. Then re-organizing it. Or, um, spending an hour and a half in CVS, trying to figure out what you can get for free. (AHEM, after tanning lotion, SPF 50 sun screen and an blood glucose meter all for -$3.00. Yeah, check that.) (OK, I have nothing to do, I'm unemployed, leave me alone.)

3. Drink some wine. Not too much or you'll get sad, because it's a deppressant and all. But you know. Some is good.

4. Eat some ice cream. Ben will wipe your tears and Jerry will pull a bouquet of flowers from his sleeve.

5. Work out. Because if you are a lazy fat ass, you no longer have the excuse of "I worked hard today, it's ok".

So that's what I have so far, I'm sure the longer I remain unemployed, the longer and more ridiculous that list will get.

Oh, and because I'm on an Awesome Roll, I said yes to a Match.com date. Via text message. Yes, I agreed to meet a man whom I have never even spoken to on the phone (Cardinal Rule Breakage!) via text message. Rock and freaking Roll.

12 May, 2008

Fun Monday - My Inner Jerk

Today, I am supposed to tell you about my inner jerk. So, I'm a jerk for not wanting to participate.

Today, I got laid off. And I'm pissed and I feel sorry for myself. So there, I'm a jerk.

Sorry, Bev, I'll do better next time.