06 February, 2008

On Boating

Back when I first started this blog, I listed a few things that I would talk about. One being "Do Me In The Butt Guy." I kept meaning to post that story, because it is one of my better ones, but I get sidetracked easily.

But today! Today I have nothing exciting going on, so I will tell you all the story of the man who asked me to do him in the butt.

A little over a year ago, my friend Kelly asked me to go with her on a spontaneous trip to Greenville, South Carolina to see an artist she loved play. Not having anything going on that weekend, I agreed. So off we went to see Will Hoge play at The Handlebar.

While there, Kelly and I notice a very cute young man taking photos of the show with a professional camera. Tall man? Hot. Tall and cute? Hotter. Tall, cute and talented with a camera? Hottest. So, not being a timid one, I scoot over close to him and watch over his shoulder as he flips through his pictures. He looks up, smiles, and I ask if I can see which is his favorite. Thus begins the flirting. Score!

So the night moves on, we exchange numbers and go our separate ways. He sends me a text, and tells me I'm the cutest thing he has seen, and would like to see more of me. He lives in Charleston.

Over the next month or so, we talk on the phone almost every night. It is fun, flirtatious, and the more he speaks, the hotter he gets. He is creative, an artist, takes AMAZING photos, sweet, smart, AND......he lives on a boat. Holy. Crap. I'm swooned.

One weekend, we decide that it is time for me to take a trip to Charleston. He sails and has a race and wants me to join him. So I drive the 5 hours from Atlanta to Charleston. I arrive on Friday night and spend a very romantic weekend sailing, roaming the streets of Charleston, admiring the architecture, and...well, "Sailing." It was a great weekend.

Fast forward about two weeks. It is late in the evening and we are talking on the phone.

DMITBG: "So, do you have any fantasies?"
SD: "Yeah, of course, who doesn't?"
DMITBG: "True. So, what are they?"
SD: coyly "I don't know you well enough for that."
DMITBG: "Oh come on, tell me."
SD: "I'll tell you if you tell me."
DMITBG: "OK. But I don't want to freak you out."

At this point, I'm not thinking anything weird is going to happen. I'm thinking he's going to say something typical or predictable, like him and two girls.

SD: "Trust me. I've heard it all. I don't get freaked out."
DMITBG: "OK. Well, I've always wanted to know what it feels like for a woman."
SD: "Um. What sex feels like a woman?"
DMITBG: "Yeah, that vulnerability, giving someone control over your body like that."
SD: nervous laugh "Ha Ha....well.....too bad it's not something you can really find out. Ha Ha."
DMITBG: "Well, I can come close, with your help."
SD: "Uhhhh....haha.....uhhhh"
DMITBG: "Would you wear a strap on and f*** me in the a**?"

Insert long, awkward silence here.

SD: "Uhhhh...ahhhh...weeeehhhhhhlllll...uhhhahhhhhh......"
SD: "I do not own a strap on."
DMITBG: "No worries. I'll bring it."

The resulting conversation was really me just being a scientist, asking if he had done it (No, but he had had a vibrator up there), if others girls were willing (again vibrator...it wasn't his), if he thought it would hurt, etc. You can imagine the questions that pop into your head when one asks you to sodomize him.

Since then, I have received numerous requests to visit or be visited, so DMITBG can live out this fantasy. I have no intention of helping him with this.

HOWEVER, this story has caused me to acquire a new nickname among my friends: Captain.

** I apologize to anyone who likes to be, or wants to be sodomized. I think no less of you. It's just outside of my realm.


Sauntering Soul said...

This reminds me of an experience I had. Well, I didn't have a guy ask me to, er, help him out in the same way your guy did.

I went out on a blind date on Valentine's Day a few years ago. (Can you say pressure?) The date went lovely and he asked me out the next week. We both worked kind of late that night so we met for a quick pizza dinner. As I was about to leave, he told me he had a gift in his car for me. I wasn't sure how I felt about a guy giving me a gift on a second date. Weird or cute?

I walked with him to his car and he handed me a plastic grocery store bag. Inside was a sex toy. How the heck does one respond to that? I said "uhm, okay, uhm, thanks....I guess?" That was our last date.

Southern Doll said...

Wow. Dating never ceases to amaze me. I had a guy buy me a T-shirt that says "I Love Cumming" on it on a first date. But not a sex toy.

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

*snorting with laughter*

I'm not sure if I'm more impressed with his forthrightness or with his desire to get in touch with his feminine side!

Southern Doll said...

AOJ, I myself have pondered those two thoughts. Although instead of impressed, I say "shocked" or "dumbfounded" or "Squeamish."

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

Well, yes, "dumbfounded" was my first reaction!

Fianna said...

Ummmm....yea....How do you even respond to that? I don't even know how to properly comment on a blog post about it! Scary.

Yea...that's about it.

-Ann said...

Wow. He told you that like way too early in your knowing him. He should have stopped after you told him you didn't know him well enough to share yours.

Junebug said...

My thought on this is: If a guy could feel like a girl by being screwed in the butt, or if another guy feels like a butt feels like a vagina, then crap! (pun!) Kinda makes me mad! :D