26 February, 2008

Naivety, at times.

At times, I can be idealistic about people and life in general. It still surprises me to know that over half of America's population still does some form of illegal drugs on a regular basis. It shocks me when small children are on TV because they have been kidnapped, or worse. I get so angry watching those animal saving shows on Animal Planet because I just can't believe there are people out there that do that.

I am also naive when it comes to relationships at times. More specifically, I think I have a lot to learn about marriage before I actually get married. In my mind, once you get married, that is it. There is no flirting with other people, there is no "just a kiss" and there is no way you can allow yourself to feel romantic emotions about anyone else.

I do understand that marriage is hard work and that there will be hard times, but I truly believe if you get married to the right person, you can work through that.

But these days, are people just marrying the wrong people? It seems like so many men that I have met or dated over the past few years have been divorced. Some more than once before the age of 30. This still astounds me. Is this just the way it is now? Is the Starter Marriage truly the way it's done these days?

Call me old fashioned, but I want to get married once, and I do not want to ever question that decision.

So what brings this up? Well, my Internet friends, I have a Myspace. I keep it private, and only add people I truly know as friends. I never look around on Myspace and use it like I use Match. It seems wrong to troll around on a public forum only to find one cute guy in your area who is 17. I do not like to feel dirty.

Well apparently, some people do.

Behold a conversation I had with a man, Mike from Rhode Island. Mike found me randomly while looking for women to fuck** who live near his best friend in Georgia.

**Hi, Mom! I know I'm much too pretty to talk like that! Sorry!

From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:27 AM


read but no reply? ouch

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:48 AM


LOL. You're a go getter, huh?

Two truths about RBNR - I'm at work, and I didn't really think people used Myspace to hit on people who don't even live close.

Courtney

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:54 AM


well... i'm different!

How are you?

I'm 40... u?

I'm married... 12 yrs... 3 kids... you?

I'm a pharmaceutical consultant... yourself?

Mike

Did I hit on you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 9:00 AM



You certainly are different!! If you are married for 12 years, why are you emailing random women on Myspace? I'm not being rude asking that, it's a genuine question. I suppose I just assume people email random people here to hit on them.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 9:32 AM


i'm married... not happily married... and I'm bored... so I flirt on line...

jerk huh?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:02 AM



Yeah, pretty much, but at least you're an honest jerk!

How does one become unhappily married? It seems to happen alot, and I don't understand it. This is one reason why I don't want to get married any time soon!!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:16 AM


i'm not THAT unhappy... not unhappy enough to leave my kids...

but my wife is a selfish cold lover...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:24 AM


Well you're an honest jerk but a good dad then. :o)

My dad and his first wife got divorced when my oldest brother was 4. He has always said that it turned out better for him because they were both happy parents, and that was better than parents who fought.

So your wife is selfish AND cold? So does she not put out, or she puts out but only cares about her side of the deal?

haha.... I'm asking a total stranger about his sex life. Hope you don't think I'm prying......

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:27 AM


nah... I opened the topic...

we almost never have sex... and when we do, it's all about her...

M

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:33 AM



Well that is no good. I'm making notes on how to make a marriage last forever, and happily, for when I do get married. Number one is have good sex ALOT. I'm sorry you don't get it much, that would make me unhappy too.

So is your friend in Marietta and unhappliy married guy too? Is that why you come down here alot?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:40 AM


he is... i come down to golf...

do you have a boyfriend?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:49 AM


I am single, currently dating two people. :o)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:54 AM


just saw you pics...GREAT body!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:55 AM


Thanks.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:55 AM


how tall are you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 11:04 AM


5'11. I love heels though, so usually 6'1 or 6'2,


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 1:20 PM


i thought you were tall...and worth the climb!

135 lbs?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 1:34 PM


haha, a lady never tells. Besides, I have no desire to allow a married man to climb me.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:03 PM


ok...I'd prefer if you climb on top of me anyway...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:05 PM


LOL. There will be no climbing of any sort!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:06 PM


that way my hands and mouth are free to explore...lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:07 PM


Wow, you have a response to everything, huh?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:10 PM

was my response bad?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:12 PM


Yes.


After that, Rhode Island Mike chose not to be my friend anymore. Go Figure.

5 comments:

Fianna said...

Yikes...so many thoughts on this...

I also am of the one marriage, no divorce ever ever ever mentality. If you marry the right person, this shouldn't be a problem. Of course, marriage takes a ton of works. As I get older, I learn more about my own parent's relationship. While I thought growing up it was fairy tale, turns out it wasn't, but they knew they had to work it out. They fought for the marriage, not their own needs or to just be right. And now...they are ridiculously (and embarrassingly) happy.

My single friends are having a difficult time now finding guys our age (31) that are single, no kids, no ex-wife. This frightens me. I don't want to walk into a pre-made family with all the drama of a previous wife.

And yea..Mike is a jerk. Honest, sure. Not cool to be trolling Myspace looking for chicks to climb while his wife is cooking dinner.

(Not sure if you meant to, but the names on the text of your messages are clickable.)

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

I have no wish to be married so maybe I'm not the right person to be commenting on this but people these days can't seem to be bothered to work through a problem, or compromise on anything, so the first sign of trouble, and they had off to the divorce courts.

Perhaps people rush too quickly into getting married and don't make sure they are with the right person, they just get married because that's what they want/need/must be seen to be doing.

Sauntering Soul said...

Sorry, but I'm about to write a novel in your comments. :-)

I can only speak from my experience. I didn't get married until I was 30. I had known my ex since we were 15 years old. We had been dating for 5 years when we got married. I thought I knew him. I truly thought he was the right person for me.

The problem is, I don't think you can ever totally know a person's soul and sometimes you don't see their dark side until you're already involved in a marriage.

In my situation, my father-in-law died and my ex picked up an alcohol bottle to deal with it. Then he moved on to drugs. I fought for my marriage for well over 2 miserable years filled with lots of demons (on his part) and one of the worst mother-in-laws you can imagine. I didn't believe divorce was the answer. But at some point, it defeated me. I found myself laying in the bathroom floor bawling my eyes out for several hours in the middle of the night several times a week trying to figure out how to save my marriage or more importantly, how to save myself. These nights of crying went on for almost a year until I finally knew I had to give up.

My counselor explained to me that when you're involved with an addict, you can never compete with their addiction. I could never provide him what alcohol and drugs could and they were always going to win. And I could never convince him to get help.

I'm not at all in agreement with what Mike is doing. In fact, I couldn't be more against it. If you're that unhappy, get out before you start hooking up with other people. I had the opportunity to cheat on my ex when I was experiencing absoulute misery and unhappiness. But I didn't cheat on him.

I guess my point in saying all of this is, you have to put your heart on the line when you get married and make yourself very vulnerable. There are no guarantees that it will be happy no matter how well you think you know the person you're marrying. That's why I told all of my friends I would never get married again after I went through my divorce. But now I've met Hot Brazilian and he has given me many reasons to consider it again and we are talking about it. He makes me willing to make myself vulnerable.

Sorry for rambling on and on.

Southern Doll said...

Bev, thanks for you comment!!! I hope I didn't offend anyone except Rhode Island Mike with that post. I certainly don't blame you for divorcing your ex, I would have done the same! Also, I'm not opposed to all divorces....if my dad hadn't had one, I wouldn't be here!! I hope you see that I only meant that a lot of people seem to use it as an easy way out, like they don't take marriage seriously anymore.

Anyway....thanks for the comment, I welcome any advice/words of wisdom/"been there done that" when it comes to this subject!

Sauntering Soul said...

I wasn't offended at all. I just wanted to provide a different point of view I guess.

Trust me, I never wanted to get divorced. Sometimes people fight like hell for a marriage to work and the people surrounding them aren't aware of that and think they have given up without trying. I never told another soul what I was dealing with. Everyone was shocked when I told them ex and I were getting divorced. My mom was very upset with me that I had not told my family what my life had been like for over two years. I had one friend say to me "I thought you and [ex] had the only perfect marriage I've ever seen. You've never said a negative word about him."

I guess I was of the mentality that my marriage problems were not anyone else's business and if we had been able to work things out I didn't want my family to always have a negative opinion of him based on things he had done.

Like some others, I had seen other marriages break up and assumed they hadn't tried to work through their issues. Just because you don't know a couple has worked tirelessly doesn't mean they haven't.

On the other hand, there are plenty of couples who probably do give up without trying.

I just wanted to share my story.