29 December, 2008

Ready for 2009

Boy, when they employ you, they require you jump right in! I got the call from recruitment on a Monday, called back on Tuesday and had my first two interviews. Face to face on Wednesday, scheduled another face to face with the Area Director on Friday. Got called early Thursday morning, asked if I could phone interview, it took an hour, thirty minutes later I was employed and Sunday I was on a plane to Dallas.

I was in Dallas (Plano, or Plain-oh, actually) for a week. And one LOOONNNGGGG weekend where I could find nothing to do but buy mini bottles of wine and watch whatever came on HBO.

After Dallas came Shreveport for a week, where in spite of its reputation, the food was TERRIBLE. Creole? Not so much. Not in my experience, anyway.

Then I was back in SD for 4 days, two in the office, then I hopped on a red eye to get home to Georgia at 5:45 AM on Christmas Eve. Spent a few days there, now I'm back in SD only to pack up and do more training in Culver City for a week.

So after 7 months of inactivity, I finally have and actual schedule.

And I LOVE IT.

And as I love my job, I really want to talk about it here. However, I work in an industry and for a company with some of the most internet savvy people around, so I won't be doing that. Other than to say, I love my new job and my new company. That is not a lie, I love it.

I am smiling a lot more these days.

I am also really, really looking forward to 2009. Happy New Year everyone!

04 December, 2008

6 1/2 Months later....

I'M FREAKING EMPLOYED!!!!!

Not just employed, but employed at a company and with a position that I am very, very excited about. Holy Crap!

I might actually have something interesting, or at least some inspiration to blog about!

Yay.

04 November, 2008

History

03 November, 2008

Halloween in Hollywood

On of my best friends from Georgia was in Los Angeles on business this past weekend. I drove up to see her and spend Halloween in one of the weirdest cities in the world. It couldn't have been better timing, the little piece of home and the hilarity of that city on Halloween made my crap week much, much better.

Things I saw:

1. A pigeon fighting to get a pack of Saltine crackers open. This amused me for a solid 20 minutes. Also, he never got it open.

2. A woman who had assuredly pooped her pants. I had a visual positive on this one.

3. A mime, talking on a cell phone.

4. A woman standing in a cardboard box labeled "Free Kitten."

5. About 5,000 Smart cars.

6. A California flood, including signage warning you. Which consisted on a little runoff, maybe 1 inch deep. As soon as my friend sends the picture, I'll post it.

Also, my favorite line of the weekend, spoken by my Georgia friend. We were driving back to the hotel, which is in Agoura Hills, so we were going through some small mountains.

"Oh, oh, oh! We're in the Rockies!!!!"

Yeah, she needs a Geography lesson.

28 October, 2008

Numbers

2,157 - The number of miles I drove to move from Kennesaw, GA to San Diego, CA.

3.35 - The (approximate) number of days it took to drive across the country.

17 - The size (in feet) of the Uhaul I drove through 8 states.

1 - The number of SUVs I hauled on the back of the 17 foot Uhaul, then later found out it was incorrectly attached and could have EASILY fallen off and killed someone.

2,700 - The number of square feet in my new home in Pacific Beach, which, apparently, is unheard of for SD.

3 - The number of human roommates I have, two of which I happened to go to high school with and one I met in college.

3 - The number of four legged roommates I have, including one Golden Retriever, one Maltese/Chihuahua puppy, and of course, Maggie May, my baby girl.

5 - The average number of bottles of Two buck Chuck that my roommates will go through on a Friday.

2 - The number of times I have been home since moving.

0 - The number of jobs I have found in the worst state to find a job in.

1,423,659 - The number of times I have wanted to scream in frustration at not finding a job yet.

1.25 - The number of hours I had to physically double over so I could stick my hand in the pet bag to calm my kitty as she tried to claw her way out of the bag during the plane's descent.

1 - The number of broken hearts I have received so far in SD.

2.5 - The number of hours it took for my broken heart to turn into rage and disgust.

4,832 - The number of hours of soap operas I have watched while job hunting.

17 - The approximate times during the average day that I look out our upstairs den window and smile at the gorgeous view of the bay.

2 - The number of new friends I have made in SD.

2 - The number of girls who backed out of my best friend's Bachelorette Party I planned in the week before, causing me to have to cancel the beach trip and come up with something equally fun in Atlanta.

0 - The amount of good reasons I have for not blogging in three months.

9,872,504 - The number of times I have smiled because even though its been hard, frustrating and financially and emotionally trying, I know I took a bigger chance than most are willing to do and I know it was right.

10 July, 2008

Ummmm......

Yikes!

Ummm....so, hi! It's been over a month. Oops?!?!

Internet, it's not that I don't love you, it's just that I haven't done much interesting. And in the boringness of my life, I haven't much felt like sharing how the excitement of my day is to go check the mail at 4:00. Woo Wee!

I guess that's not completly true. According to my last post, I was standing up Mr. Big Texticles. Well, I didn't end up doing that, I actually ended up hanging out with him that night and several more times. (SKIP THIS PART MOM) Until that time we got way too drunk at Fado and ended up in a compromising position or two, and he was a little.....less than impressive, let's say. Uhm, buh bye. Hee Hee.

Oh, and while we are on the subject of compromising positions (SKIP THIS TOO MOM), in my sulkiness of being laid off, I decided to let an "old friend" take me out to dinner, and ended up in a re-do situation. A bad, bad re-do situation. To the tune of a HANDPRINT BRUISE on my breast.

**No, it was not abuse, it was DRUNKEN STUPIDITY. Learn from me, don't re-do out of sadness.

So next, I re-started dating a guy that I can't remember if I wrote about on here. Really, I just decided that I don't like my layout because it is hard to read, so I'm too lazy to read back and see if I did or not. Anywho, this guy was something else. 6'6 and 240 pounds of muscle. Not bad, right? EXCEPT that he WOULD NOT stop talking about his body and how bad it was and what he could do to make it better. And half of our dates started at his gym. But, our of sheer boredom or lonliness or whatever, I continued on, giving him the benefit of the doubt. He actually started to say that he was really liking me and that he wanted to see me more. Great, right?

Then I drop a small little bomb.

Well, he knew the bomb, but I don't think he believed it. I told him I am moving. On August 10. To San Diego, California. I do not think he liked that.

So he did what every mature 33 year old man (who lived with his mother!) does, and disappeared. No texts, no calls, no emails, nothing. Until like three weeks later and he randomly wants to catch up and hang out at my pool.

No sir. Mama is way better than that, and she can get way better than you.

So, point of that story, I guess, is that the only truly exciting thing I'm doing is moving. For sure. It was originally supposed to be myself and one friend. Then a girlfriend of mine from high school, one who has always wanted to just up and move, came to me and said she was sick and tired of Atlanta, and let's just go. So I said, come with us to San Diego! And she said OK. So now it is myself and a girlfriend from high school and on August 10th, we are packing all our shit in a big ole truck and driving across the country.

Holy. Shit.

Prayers, please!

24 May, 2008

The Law of Attraction

The day after I got laid off, I woke up and came into the living room to find that my sweet roomie had left me a book to read with a cute little note telling me to enjoy my day off. The book was The Secret. Have ya'll read it?

I haven't made it through the whole book, but the basic premise is the Law of Attraction. Basically, whatever dominates your thoughts is what you will get.

Fact: About 6 weeks before the actual laying off, I started making jokes that I wished they would just lay me off so I could just up and move to San Diego. I actually even went to my bosses and asked them if my job was safe, because I was sensing that change was in the air. I was promised that I would be kept in the loop, which ended up being a lie, but that is a WHOLE DIFFERENT POST. Point being? My friend Holly and I started doing all this wishful thinking and planning our move. It dominated my thoughts until it happened. The laying off, that is.

Fact: Big Texticles texted his way into my life a few days ago. I have told that story countless times now. I blogged it. I had beers and made fun of his text happiness with friends. I belabored over how can a man think it's appropriate to just text someone instead of call???

So what happens last night? I get ANOTHER text. Asking me out. From ANOTHER man whom I have never spoken to on the phone. Seriously.

OK, so I know when one door opens, another closes, and when life kicks you in the ass, make sure it kicks you forward and all. How long does the door get to hit my ass on the way out? My ass is tired, and sore from the kicking.

Oh, and what am I doing right now? I'm in my robe, towel on my wet hair, consciously standing up Big Texticles. I think. I mean we said we could maybe reschedule for Saturday. but left it kind of open....

I don't think that's doing anything good for my karma.

22 May, 2008

Why Am I Home Right Now?

One might wonder, what is a young, single girl who claimed to have a mystery date tonight doing sitting on the sofa watching How Do I Look?

Well, that is indeed a good question.

I was on the way, getting gas to fuel the drive into Atlanta to be exact, when the random gas station attendant walks up to me and says "Ma'am, your right front tire is a little low on air, you might want to check on that."

So, I walk around and look...and....half flat.

Shit.

So I go home and try to make the roomie convince me that it's ok, and a little air will fix the problem. But we both know better and she looks at me and says "Well, if you put some air in it, you can probably make it down there....(and.....fade to black.)".

What she's really saying is: "Girlfriend I know you you are trying to be upbeat and you're all dressed up to go meet the new guy, but that bitch is flat and you need to stay home and let my honey fix it for you tomorrow."

So, I stay home, and here I sit, very cute, in a lovely green dress all make-uped up and yummy smelling, dining on Chick-Fil-A.

Hi World? Remember when I asked you to be a little sweeter to me? I meant that sincerely...

So stop being a bitch. Bless your little heart.

Thanks.

Oh! And. I call Mr. Text to cancel and he was nice enough about it. But three things:

1. He's very Buckhead. You may not understand that if you are not from Atlanta, but it means he seems like the dress to impress, metro-sexual, salesman type. Buckhead men and I don't tend to get along too well.

2. He (aside from only communicating via text) texted me earlier asking if we could push it back an hour. Uhm. CALL, you Buckhead ass!

3. During my actual call to tell him about my flat, he said something along the lines of "Well, I guess I could go up there, but you know, it's Kennesaw....." As if because I live slightly north of the city, I'm not good enough for the drive. (Atlanta has this weird Inside the Perimeter versus Outside the Perimeter thing....whole other subject.)

So anyways, I'm really, really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but he has struck a small nerve in me. So I've given him a new nickname, other than Mr. Text. The man is 6'5", so his new name is....

Big Texticles.

21 May, 2008

Tips for Surviving Unemployment.

Hi, World? Please stop kicking my ass.

Thanksbye,
Courtney

So, I've been unemployed for one week and two days. Yay! I am really trying to be all happiness and sunshine about it, because PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, I know this could potentially be the best thing ever. I get it, I have ideas to make that happen and I'm working on it. But let's just not talk about that fact until it's true for me, ok?

So here's what I've been doing to survive.

1. Make your friends take care of you. Hey you know what? You have them for a reason. They might just do it, and they might just do it real good. Like, leave you sweet notes and inspiring things to read. Or text you the name of a recruiter thye just met. Or get you drunk. Fun!

2. Stay busy. Even if it means organizing the Tupperware cabinet. Then re-organizing it. Or, um, spending an hour and a half in CVS, trying to figure out what you can get for free. (AHEM, after tanning lotion, SPF 50 sun screen and an blood glucose meter all for -$3.00. Yeah, check that.) (OK, I have nothing to do, I'm unemployed, leave me alone.)

3. Drink some wine. Not too much or you'll get sad, because it's a deppressant and all. But you know. Some is good.

4. Eat some ice cream. Ben will wipe your tears and Jerry will pull a bouquet of flowers from his sleeve.

5. Work out. Because if you are a lazy fat ass, you no longer have the excuse of "I worked hard today, it's ok".

So that's what I have so far, I'm sure the longer I remain unemployed, the longer and more ridiculous that list will get.

Oh, and because I'm on an Awesome Roll, I said yes to a Match.com date. Via text message. Yes, I agreed to meet a man whom I have never even spoken to on the phone (Cardinal Rule Breakage!) via text message. Rock and freaking Roll.

12 May, 2008

Fun Monday - My Inner Jerk

Today, I am supposed to tell you about my inner jerk. So, I'm a jerk for not wanting to participate.

Today, I got laid off. And I'm pissed and I feel sorry for myself. So there, I'm a jerk.

Sorry, Bev, I'll do better next time.

21 April, 2008

Fun Monday!

Edited to add: AOJ and the Lurchers will be hosting next week, so hop on over and check out the assignment!

Hello, Internet!

Today is the day! Today is my day to host Fun Monday. And I want to know what you've done! What have you checked off your Bucket List? What are the moments you look back on and smile at? And what do you hope is passing through your mind in your last precious minutes here on Earth?

Small caveat - I do not want anyone to die!! Haha...I just believe in taking stock of your life and appreciating what you have. And if you have a list of things at the front of your mind that can remind you about life's sweet spots, you'll go through your days much happier.

That being said.....here's mine....with pictures!

(In no particular order.)

1. Five years old - trying my hardest not to smile as my dad tells me not to be a grumpy bear and puffs his cheeks out. I fail miserably and giggle so hard it hurts.

2. Learning to surf with two of my favorite people ever.

Southern Doll, Holly, Lindsay (BFF!)

3. Opening my SAT scores and realizing that I was actually as smart as my brothers. (And if you go simply by SAT scores - smarter!)

4. Getting that huge envelope that told me I was accepted into UGA.

5. UGA football - all day, every day!

6. Looking out the window as the plane landed in Rome and feeling like I was in a time warp. Huge smile.

7. Meeting Nicole for the first time in Orlando and telling her that if she shared a room with me, we'd have the private bathroom. Little did we know what was in store.

8. The summer spent with the boys between their tours in Iraq.

9. Belting out "I Will Always Love You" and any random Boyz II Men song into a haribrush on the trampoline with my cousin Laura. We were The Roses.

10. Holding baby Kat only a few hours after she was born. Closest thing to having my own child that I've known.
11. Last conversation between my grandfather and I:

Granddaddy: "Coco, you are so beautiful."
SD: Huge smile, "I love you, too, Granddaddy."

12. Bringing Maggie home. Little, fuzzy and curious with a huge lampshade on her head.

13. Hanging my diploma in my first "Big Girl" office.

14. Taking on Las Vegas alone.
15. Being there the night before they left for Baghdad.

16. Every moment spent with "Team Crunc."
17. Putting on a dress before the first date.

18. High School, my dad volunteers his Frequent Flier Miles so one of my peers could go to a conference to audition. Knowing then that I had the most awesome dad ever.

19. Purse shopping with my mom, glad to have a mom that's also a best friend.


20. Every moment spent with these girls.


21. Last time seeing Noah - he told me he loved me and he believed that if you loved someone in any way - family love, friend love, romantic love - you should make sure they know.

22. Flafting.

23. Ghost Hunting for Kate Morgan.

24. 15 years old - writing a 10-year letter to myself with Alexis, Christy and Kasey.

25. 25 years old - opening the 10-year letters and laughing until we cry.

26. The Ben.

27. Yearly trips to see my Orlando Babies.
Hollywood!

Vegas!

28. Flying off the SUV and not being able to breathe - then having the grit to get back on for four hours.

29. UGA Games and Trivia Nights with my brothers.

30. Every Christmas Eve. Best family ever.
My dad just can't take a normal picture.

So there you have it. Just a short piece of my list, I'm sure I could come up with more if I went waaaaay back in the pre-digital photo albums! I'm also sure it will just continue to grow as years go by.

So, over the next few days, I'll look at everyone's list and post a favorite! Stay tuned....


17 April, 2008

Austin City Limits


Austin Crow: Big smile, sitting down, “Hey, Coco, how are you?”

SD: “Hey Austin, I’m fine, and you?”

AC: “Oh, I’m good, I’m volunteering at the Baptist church, so that keeps me busy. You’re almost done with college, huh?”

SD: “Yeah, almost. Kind of scary!”

AC: “I know! I remember when you were a chubby little baby! You were always so cute, and just a twinkly in your daddy’s eye.”

SD: laughing, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

AC: “So how is your love life? Is there a young man around?”

SD: “No, you know how it goes, my love life is a comedy. Who need men, anyway, right?” Laughs nervously like every girl who is the last in their family to get married.

AC: Crinkles Brow, “You know, Coco, it’s time for you to start finding a man to take care of you.”

SD: Shocked “Take care of me?”

AC: “Yeah, you know, a man to marry and take care of you when you have babies.”

SD: “You know, I’m doing just fine on my own, I don’t need a man to take care of me.” Gets up and huffs off like a brat.


Austin Crow was happiest when he was holding a baby. He was like the Baby Whisperer. Whenever we had new babies in my family, we all resigned ourselves to the fact that once Austin got the baby, no one else had a chance. He would hold that tiny ball of blankets in his arms and his smile would melt that little one right to sleep.


Austin was a simple man, too. Simple and Southern. He held doors for ladies, would put his jacket over a puddle if you asked him and held his wife’s hand as they took their evening walk. He believed fiercely in God and never missed a Sunday service. He loved his babies and the happiest days of his life were when his grand and great-grand babies were born.


The above conversation happened every time I saw Austin starting at age 22. It annoyed the shit out of me. So many times I stood among my cousins, the strong, independent one with all the good dating stories, red wine in one hand, the other hand waving around as I told another comedy. And we would plot what to say to Austin the next time he told me I needed to be taken care of. The winning story was always to shock him by saying, “No, Austin, I don’t need that, I’ve found a woman to take care of me.”


I didn’t understand why he thought I was incapable of taking care of myself. Why can’t I make my own money? Why can’t I support myself? I won’t die if I don’t have the love of a man, my life is pretty awesome without, right?


But what never occurred to me was that he didn’t understand me. Austin spent 80 years learning that men should be the leader of the household, that is what God wrote in the Bible and that’s just the way it is. He did it, and he did it well. He married young. He took care of his wife and his babies. And he loved.


The thing is, he only wanted for me what he had himself. A good life, a life of love and simplicity. And he never said any of those things to spite me, or make me feel like I was a failure. He said it because he cared.


I only wish I had come to that realization sooner.


About six hours ago, Austin Crow passed away in a hospice bed with my aunt and his son by his side. It’s how he would have wanted it, with his babies in his arms, and he is now in the only place he would rather be than holding a baby.


I wish I could go back and thank him for caring about me so much. He was a sweet, old fashioned Southern boy who just thought that a man’s place was taking care of a woman and his family, leading the household.


Thanks, Austin. We could all learn a little something from you.

15 April, 2008

Quick, Easy and FUN MONDAY!!!

Hello, Internet. I'm back, and I'm done ignoring you!!

Actually, I wasn't ignoring you, I was just so busy. I stayed at two hotels in San Diego, one with internet access but I had no time to check, and the other probably hadn't heard of the internet yet. So there's that.

But, I'm back! And, I have pictures to post! And.....FUN MONDAY!! So I promise that when I get home I will spend some time paying attention to you.

Also, THANKS, INTERNET! I had so many sweet comments to my "I feel sorry for myself" post! You are awesome. And yes, I do feel better now.

So, on to the important things. Fun Monday! I'm hosting next Monday, April 21st!And the topic is one that based on past Fun Mondays I think will be popular. I hope, at least! It's definitely something I've been working on.

My girlfriends and I all have Bucket Lists. I've been working on mine for several years now. Several weeks ago, Tiggerlane asked us all what was on our Bucket Lists. And what do you know, we ALL have them. But what is the point of the list, if you don't actually work to check things off of it? So here's what I want to know:

What have you done in your life that was worth doing? I want to know the moments in your life that you hope will be the ones to pass through your mind when your time comes. I hope that doesn't sound too morbid. This doesn't necessarily have to be items you have checked off your Bucket List, it can be those small moments that made you smile, or the time you got that huge promotion you deserved, or the first time your baby smiled at you out of pure joy. I want to know all the moments, big and small, that make life sweet! If you don't already have a running list of these in your mind, you should! These moments help you remember how much your life is worth living, and we all deserve to enjoy it.

Boy, that California sun must have gotten to me!

So there you have it! I do already have a running list of names, so when I get home tonight I will work on figuring out some fancy way of posting them so they are easy to get to. So sign up!

06 April, 2008

Oops.

Y'all. I haven't blogged in a while. Oops.

It's just that lately, I feel like life has been trying to kill me. Nothing has been going right, I'm not happy like I usually am and I'm completely frustrated. So I have been doing what I do when I get fed up with life. I shut down.

I've bee totally irritated with my job, and I expressed my frustrations with my boss, who informed me that there was nothing he could say to calm my fears. Great. So that sucks.

Men suck. Dating sucks.

Money sucks, and so does the lack thereof.

That's the most I've told anyone about how I feel lately. I just want to scream and cry and hit something and have a friend there to see it all and when I'm done, give me a hug, tell me it's going to be ok and to get over it already. The problem there is that it's hard for me to show people that I'm not exactly Superwoman. I don't like to feel weak, or helpless, which is about where I am right now.

The other bad thing that comes with being frustrated with life is that it makes me a not fun person to be around, sometimes. I'm stubborn as it is, and when I'm mad at the world, I tend to think that when it's time to let loose, it should all be about ME and MAKING ME HAPPY. And if that doesn't happen, I get a tad insensitive to those around me. Maybe more than a tad.

So there it is, that's where I'm at. So where's the up side?

Tomorrow I leave for San Diego. The Big Event. And I really do think it's going to be awesome, because my boss and I have worked our little tails off. It's going to be great.

And what's greater than that? My girls, Lindsay and Holly, are joining me out there on Thursday evening. And at noon on Friday when my meeting is over? Look out San Diego. Here comes three beautiful Southern women who are looking for some serious fun!

Also on the up side, I'm hosting Fun Monday on April 21st! i have a pretty good topic, I think. So hopefully lots of people sign up!

So there you have it, the good, the bad and the ugly. If I can squeeze in some time tomorrow, I will post a post I have been thinking about or quite some time. It will be interesting to see your thoughts on this....

And also, to make up for being a bad, boring blogger, I will be posting pictures, lots of pictures, in the next week! And you know you are a picture stalker just like me. :o)

25 March, 2008

Today

Today is my second favorite day of the year.

It's my birthday!

21 March, 2008

A Woman Scorned

Good morning, MarBlo. I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. It's just that there are current circumstances in my job that have been sucking the life out of me. So in an effort to apologize, I give you the funniest thing I've seen in a while. The roommate found this on our door the other day. There was one on every door in our apartment complex. Enjoy!

17 March, 2008

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

Good things that happen:
The register at CVS doesn't print out your 10 Extra Care Bucks, so the manager gives you a $15 gift card to make up for it. Thanks, Ben!

Bad things that happen:
Because you are so excited about getting an extra $5, you leave the 4 ECBs that did print out sitting on the register.

Ugly things that happen:
You use a coupon from your coupon clipping frenzy to get your kitty some new organic treats for free. She promptly throws them up.

And, for the record, Annoying things that happen:
You are the Bionic Woman and have to use an insulin pump. Your pump kicks the bucket, so the maker is sending you a new one. It's a Sunday, so you have to call the after hours line at your Endocrinologist's (diabetes doctor) office so he can call you in a prescription for insulin, so you don't die because you are a diabetic with no insulin for two days. The on call doc acts extremely put upon that he actually has to call in a prescription for insulin for his diabetic patient. Ass.

16 March, 2008

Fun Monday!

This week's Fun Monday is hosted by Nikki at My Husband Calls Me Weird. She wants to know:

1.) I don't know about you, but my family is great at creating strange words that only we know the meaning. Some were created when the kids were first learning to talk, others came about when our tongues were twisted and the word came out funny. Either way, the words stuck and we still use them in our daily conversations. What created words does your family use?! Please share the story behind the word if you remember. If you don't have a made up word then tell us about the unspoken way you communicate with someone. Do you and your significant other have a look that means "This party is boring, lets split" or do you have a look that your kids know means their butt is in serious trouble? Please share!! And a picture of the look would be very entertaining!

OR/AND

2.) In honor of St. Paddy's Day, please share your worst green beer story!

So, first things first! My family hasn't really made up any words per se, but we do have invisible friends that my mother, brother and I still see occasionally. The most notable of these is "Chookamala." Or sometimes we call him Chookie. Chookie first appeared as my mom was driving us to school. She was the only one who ever saw him at first, it would go something like this:

"Look! There's Chookie!! Look, or you'll miss him!"

"Chookamala??? I haven't seen him yet, where? WHERE??

"Over there, behind that tree."

"Zack, do you see him? I can't see him!"

"No, where, Mom, WHERE???"

"Over th--- oh, he's gone now, you missed him. But he says hello, and be good at school!"

My brother, being the older and wiser one, eventually caught sight of him and would play along with my mom. This frustrated me to no end, because I just wanted to see what Chookamala looked like. He was a HE, he could be my future husband for all I knew. It wasn't until middle school that I caught on to Chookie. I could see him then.

To this day, my brother and I still get stocking stuffers from Chookamala at Christmas. I think we always will.

As for green beer, I never really was one to partake in green beer because the thought of ingesting that much food coloring kind of grossed me out. However, I will always remember one green beer infused party at my alma mater, UGA. I was invited by a friend of the hostesses, and I only went because it was my only option for St. Patty's. I was not fond (AT ALL) of the two hostesses. But, I went, and I had some green beer and I made the best of it. I think I may have gotten an Irish kiss or two. And then. THEN! the clock struck two AM and the hostesses informed EVERY party goer that they had to either drunk drive home, or sit quietly outside until they could drive home. It was like bar, when they turn on the lights and the managers start walking around and taking your drinks. It was just go home, you can not be here. Seriously, who hosts a party, invites oodles of friends, and then sends them home drunk?? At least have the courtesy to call a few cabs before being an ass.

Can you tell I'm still not over that? And for the record, I did not drunk drive home, I managed to sweet talk a sober party goer into a ride home.

So that's it for my Fun Monday! I can't wait to read about all the more interesting green beer stories!







15 March, 2008

I'm OK too.

Hello everyone! Internet friends are so nice. Thanks for asking about us Georgia gals and our storms! Yes, the greater Atlanta area is getting smashed by storms at the moment, but I'm ok. I live in Kennesaw, which has not seen much more than a little rain. However, we did have scary tornado warnings go off. It was the kind that had a long alarm then a guy came on and said something, but I couldn't understand him.

As I am sitting here watching Glen Burns and the Severe Weather Team, there is a big circulating ball right over Canton and Holly Springs, indicating that a tornado is imminent. Ya'll, it is right over my parents house and my office!! But they are fine, I just talked to them....my mom and taking the kitties and the dog to the basement, then she's going back up for her jewelry.

The roomie and I are laughing because our local meteorologists are freaking out. Now, they are doing a fabulous job and are staying on top of things, but ya'll. We don't get weather in Georgia too much. So it's just a little funny to watch them get all worked up. Like this is their moment! They are volleying back and forth between Glen and Brad, and we have made up this whole fight they are having for air time. "It's my turn, bitch, quit hogging the air time!"

On a serious note, they did just announce a few fatalities from this storm. It is so crazy to me that as I was sitting here watching the news coverage and contemplating getting some Chick-Fil-A, areas were getting hit so hard that people lost their lives. My brain can't wrap around that, so say a few extra prayers for those families, please.

13 March, 2008

Questions

So, I'm fairly new to this blogging thing. I have gotten a few comments to some posts where the commenter asks questions. I haven't necessarily answered them, because A) I always think if I answer them in my own comments, it's kind of lame because who is going to go back and look? and B) do people leave me questions in my comments because they are trying to get me to go back and comment on their page? Which is cool, because I am a stalker, and I look at everyone's page who has ever commented and try to comment back.

At any rate, I figured I could answer a few of the questions I have gotten recently.

On March 11, Bev asked if my kitty was ok. Yes, Bev, she is ok today! She didn't carf any more that night, she did twice yesterday but I bought her some new food and no carf today. So I think she's going to make it.

On March 8, Fianna asked (kind of) what "Camel Humps" are. Well, in mine and my BFF's drunken minds, camel humps are your tear ducts. Stay with me. Lindsay and I do not cry much. I had cried that day. We were talking about it over some beers and got to contemplating how weird it is that emotions triggers a tear duct response. And I questioned whether people who cry every day are dehydrated. Because they are ridding themselves of their water via their eyes. But we know a constant crier, very well, and she is not dehydrated. Therefore, your tear ducts are like camel humps.

On March 7, Fianna also asked if we work for the same company. I do not think so, unless "Fianna" is a pseudonym. But the resemblances are striking.....

On March 5, Wendy asked if I saw the Jon and Kate Plus 8 episode where they learned to ski. Yes, and OH MY CUTE and wow, those babies are more coordinated than me.

On March 3, Bev asked me "Why would he exhaust himself playing softball all day and then make plans with his family if he already had a date planned with you?" Girlfriend, I have no idea. The next weekend, he text messaged me twice after the hours of 10 pm to see if I would come meet him. He obviously doesn't know the rules in the South.

On February 19, Bev asked me if she could come with me to San Diego. YES! The more the merrier. I have two girlfriends joining me when my work part is over. However, my group won't be that much fun....we will have to track down the group who instigated the nudity clause!

Ok, I think that's it for now. How do you guys answer questions in your comments??


12 March, 2008

Things not to say in an interview.

"I'm not good with hard math. Like percentages."

11 March, 2008

Cat Mommy

What did Maggie do today?

She carfed. Yep, that's cat+barf. Not just once, oh no. She:

- carfed a grand total of 6 times.
- The first carf woke me up.
- The second carf my roommate was nice enough to clean up.
- The third and fourth carfs
happened in succession, after trying to eat.
- The fifth and sixth carfs happened while I was at work.
- Grand total of 15 piles of carf.

The joys of being a cat mom.

Yes, my life is currently as boring as my blogs have been the past few weeks.

10 March, 2008

I got nothing.

Y'all, I'm boring today. I have nothing of note to write about. So I'll make a list of what I do know.

1. I love coupons. Find them here.
2. I'm still not 100% recovered from my weekend.
3. A Time To Kill touched everyone! I think everyone who commented on my Fun Monday loved that movie.
4. Spring is coming. Georgia was BEAUTIFUL today.
5. My apartment complex asked us to move our cars today so they could re-pave the parking lot. They did not re-pave, they spray painted. ANNOYED.
6. Running makes me sleep good.

That's all, happy Monday.

09 March, 2008

Fun Monday!

Things Left Unsaid.

This week's Fun Monday is hosted by IT Guy, and he wants to know our fave movie quotes.

I need YOU (yes, the wonderful YOU!) to pick 5 memorable lines from 5 different movies (if you could tell us which character said it and to whom, would be a bonus)...and tell us to WHOM (who in the people in your life) you could have said those lines.

Ah, there are so many! It's hard to pick just five. I think in my mind, I say movie quotes to people every day. But there is definitely an arsenal of quotes that I say allt he freaking time. So here you go:

1. "
Oh, come on. Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?"

The Tao of Steve, said by Dex to Syd.

I'm not 100% sure who I would say this to, but it about sums up what I would like to say to every single Southern man who has the expectation that a woman is supposed to be this Miss Manners sweet angel, then gets mad when he realizes she is not.

2. "WHAT'D YOU DO???"

Tommy Boy, said by Tommy to Richard.

I say this constantly. If I drop something in the kitchen, I look at my roommate and say it really loud. If I'm walking with a friend and they trip, they get the Tommy Boy treatment. Yeah, it can be obnoxious, butt he movie is so freaking funny!!!

3. "Sparkly, she's very sparkly."

Rain Man, Raymond says this to Charlie.

I say this constantly, too. Whenever I see a woman who is dressed up way too much for where she is.

4. "
I want to tell you a story. I'm going to ask you all to close your eyes while I tell you the story. I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to yourselves. Go ahead. Close your eyes, please. This is a story about a little girl walking home from the grocery store one sunny afternoon. I want you to picture this little girl. Suddenly a truck races up. Two men jump out and grab her. They drag her into a nearby field and they tie her up and they rip her clothes from her body. Now they climb on. First one, then the other, raping her, shattering everything innocent and pure with a vicious thrust in a fog of drunken breath and sweat. And when they're done, after they've killed her tiny womb, murdered any chance for her to have children, to have life beyond her own, they decide to use her for target practice. They start throwing full beer cans at her. They throw them so hard that it tears the flesh all the way to her bones. Then they urinate on her. Now comes the hanging. They have a rope. They tie a noose. Imagine the noose going tight around her neck and with a sudden blinding jerk she's pulled into the air and her feet and legs go kicking. They don't find the ground. The hanging branch isn't strong enough. It snaps and she falls back to the earth. So they pick her up, throw her in the back of the truck and drive out to Foggy Creek Bridge. Pitch her over the edge. And she drops some thirty feet down to the creek bottom below. Can you see her? Her raped, beaten, broken body soaked in their urine, soaked in their semen, soaked in her blood, left to die. Can you see her? I want you to picture that little girl. Now imagine she's white."

A Time To Kill, Jake's Summation.

This is my most favorite movie quote. I did this as a monologue in high school. I think it perfectly sums up old fashion Southern racism that we still find here in the South. If you haven't seen the movie, you MUST and you will understand what I mean. It's awesome, and everytime I hear someone who may still have some of the old South racism, I want to shake them first, then sit them down, force them to watch this movie, and I will stop the DVD at this point and recite the summation for them. It truly proves the point that we are all people, no matter what color we are.

5. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

Dirty Dancing, said by Johnny to Baby.

I just love this movie, and I'm looking for a Johnny to say this to me one day. Patrick Swayze, please get well soon!!!!

I MarBlew it.

I forgot to blog yesterday. Oops. It's early in the month, and I already blew it. Here is my list of reasons why.

1. Two skinny bitches. Vodka, Soda Water, Lemon Juice.
2. One Chocolate Cake shot.
3. One pint of Miller Lite.
4. One pitcher (split) of Miller Lite along side a Buffalo Bleu Chicken Sandwich.
5. One Skinny Bitch.
6. One Buttery Nipple.
7. One Skinny Bitch.
8. One Slippery Nick. I have no idea what was in it.
9. One Sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka.
10. One pineapple and coconut flavored shot.
11. One more Sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka.
12. Home at 5:00 am. Ouch.

07 March, 2008

Tonight

Things said tonight:

1. It's not the size of the yacht......Oh wait, yes it is.
2. Replenish ownup camel humps.
3. So then BRENDA says to ANNE "What made you switch...you know, you used to date men I heard," and then BRENDA proceeded to brag about the men in her life, yet still kept coming back to how she had never tried a woman.
4. Said to Mr. Stand-up: "No. I'm not coming out. You are lame. You must have dated women in the past who are used to being disrespected. That is not me."
5. WAIT. Isn't the shocker your two first fingers and your pinky, not your thumb???

Good times had by all.

06 March, 2008

Get Excited.

1. I bought my ticket to San Diego.
2. Two girlfriends are confirmed to go to San Diego.
3. We are going to Mexico.
4. We are going to search for CHEAPO tequila.
5. After I go to San Diego and Mexico, I'm going to Denver.
6. It's Friday. Almost.
7. This week is almost over, HALLELUJAH!

05 March, 2008

To-Do

A few days ago, I asked for some list ideas for MarBlo. Fianna suggested a few, one being posting my To-Do list for the week. Since I am watching the new Ghost Hunters and I am so freaked out that I have all the lights on and am watching my cat for any signs of something disturbing her, I am feeling a lack of creativity. So the To-Do List will work well for this evening's post.

Who knows, maybe it will actually give me motivation to accomplish everything!

To-Do before Saturday:
1. Explain to my two (wonderful! amazing! smart!) bosses that it is physically impossible for me to work full time for two separate companies at the same time. Therefore, I have to split my days in half, and they need to deal with it.

2. Send the box of crap for the soldiers that has been sitting in my hallway FOREVER to Iraq with all the other boxes of stuff we will buy tomorrow.

3. Book a hotel for San Diego.

4. Explain to my little pumpkin, Maggie, that while rubber bands might make great toys to throw in the air and chase, they do not make good treats and I do not want to happen upon one in the litter box again.

5. Clean off the top of my dresser.

6. Return Knocked Up and Bridget Jones' Diary to Robin.

7. Work out two more times.

Two things I have accomplished:

1. Post my old dresses on Craigslist.

2. Put away the giant mound of laundry on my floor.

That's all, I'm sorry for boring you to tears! I will work on being more creative.....when I'm not feeling like I'm being watched. Thanks, Fianna!

04 March, 2008

Tips for Resume Writing

My job is in the market for a new sales rep. I have had the pleasure of reading the 4,000 resumes that poured into our office after placing the ad.

At first, I was pissed that I had to take the first crack at weeding through them. But then, about 20 resumes in, I had a revelation.

Reading resumes is fun. Lots of fun.

So here are my tips for resume writing, after having read 4,000. Enjoy.

1. Apply to appropriate jobs. If a company requests 3-5 years of experience, they do not want someone who has been selling for 30 years. We probably can't afford you. We also don't want someone fresh out of high school. We probably can't afford to take the time to train you from scratch.

FOR EXAMPLE: We want a sales person. 3-5 years of experience opening doors and cold calling. If you are a 19 year old who has been a PEANUT PICKER for the past 5 years, you probably need to look elsewhere. Come. On.

2. Work on your wording. Look, we have all fluffed up our jobs. We all know that "Two years of face to face customer service in the food services industry" means you were a server at TGI Friday's. That's fine, no prob, you get points for putting forth effort. But if you are going to put forth the effort, at least make sure to sound intelligent.

FOR EXAMPLE: "Keeping people alive while having fun" as a description for a river guide only serves to make me laugh, put your resume aside and move on. And later, blog about it.

3. Proofread, Proofread, Proofread. Come on, now. You may not be good at grammar or spelling, but these days, most word processors have spell and grammar checks built in, no? And if you don't have access to this, have someone smart look at it. Common sense!

FOR EXAMPLE: You want to "join" a company, not "joint" a company.

4. Highlight the skills you have that the company is actually looking for. You may very well have many, many skills. But you just can't turn in an 18-page resume. So keep it to one page and put the most applicable skills on this version of your resume.

FOR EXAMPLE: A sales job is most likely looking for a "people person." Someone who can get on the phone, talk to people easily, and, well.....sell. A sales job is probably NOT looking for someone whose only highlighted skill is being "an accurate and rapid keyboarder."

5. If you are in the market for a new job, know that hiring managers know how to look you up on Myspace and Facebook. No explanation needed.

FOR EXAMPLE: Having the headline "The baddest bitch and the worst hurricane" does not look professional. Especially if your name is Katrina.

6. Be willing to actually accept a job you apply for.

FOR EXAMPLE: If you live in Niceville, Florida and will not relocate, do not apply for a job in North Georgia.

7. Know who will be reading your resume.

FOR EXAMPLE: If a girl's name is clearly listed as the "Send To" person, do not address your letter to "Dear Sirs." No matter how good your resume is, that will only make me throw it away, because you are old fashioned and a womanizer.

8. Don't be stupid. This one goes quite well with number three.

FOR EXAMPLE: If you graduated high school in 1997 and college in 2002, you are probably now around the age of 29. So I know when you say that you worked for Ameriprise Financial from 1904 to 1906, you are probably stupid and did not proofread.

9. Have some common sense. And be prepared to answer questions that will arise.

FOR EXAMPLE: If there is a substantial gap in between jobs with no explanation (raising children, medical issue, caring for elderly parents, etc.), I KNOW YOU WERE IN PRISON.

This has been a public service announcement.

03 March, 2008

Ten Reasons Everyone Should Watch T.V.

1. Cara
2. Mady
3. Alexis
4. Aaden
5. Collin
6. Leah
7. Hannah
8. Joel
9. Jon
10. Kate

Seriously. They are awesome.

02 March, 2008

2 reasons why yesterday wasn't as excellent as I expected.

1. The Chiro stood me up! Well, kind of. I talked to him at like 6:00 and all he could talk about was how tired he was and how he had been playing softball all day long. I asked him if he needed to reschedule, he said no. Then he says he has to go get dinner for his nieces and nephews and he would call me when he got back. Oh yeah, and to go ahead and decide where to go and what time. And, the later the better. Didn't HE ask ME out on a date?? So at that point, I knew that we weren't going out, so I opened a bottle of wine and started watching Knocked Up. I later got a text from The Chiro, around 9:00. He said that he was still at dinner and was SO MAD. I said "Right, have a wonderful evening." I give him a big, fat no thank you!

2. I got lazy. I decided watching Knocked Up and Transformers sounded much better than making money on Craigslist. However, both movies were excellent.

So there is my short list for today. 2 days down, 29 to go!

01 March, 2008

Oh, Lord. Here we go!

Well, I did it. I had to go and set a goal for something. To volunteer for something.

I signed up for MarBlo. NaBloPoMo went monthly....on a much smaller scale than November, of course. But they started with March, and if you sign up, you post one blog every day in the month of March. They even gave a guideline - lists. This works excellently for me, since my brain loves lists. And hey, if I can do this, maybe one day I can be fancy enough to do Blog365.

So go look at all these other crazy people and their lists, too!

So my first list of March: Why today is an excellent day.

1. It is March! March is my birthday month! My birthday is my second most favorite day of the year. I am pretty notorious among my friends for making a big deal out of my birthday.

2. It is March! Spring is on the way! Today is a lovely day in Georgia, sunny and working on warm. I can tell the air is ready for Spring and the birds are getting restless. I love it!

3. I got a Brazilian. Now, the "during" part of this is not necessarily excellent, but the "after" is. Also, I went to a new aesthetician who taught me a new trick. Naturally, I get pretty tense when getting my naughty hairs ripped out. When you tense up, it makes for more painful ripping. She said that if you wiggle your toes, you body can't use those muscles to tense up, so it hurts less when she pulls! It worked! She also said it works for chiropractic adjustments. Smart lady, that one.

4. I have a date with The Chiro tonight - finally! It was like pulling teeth to get that one to call.

5. Today I am listing 6 old prom and bridesmaid dresses on Craigslist. Come on people of Atlanta, this doll needs money!!

So that's it. Wish me luck on the whole posting every day thing. Also - does anyone have ideas for interesting lists? I have a few ideas going:

Top 5 worst days of my teenage life (Teenage years always make for funny material!)
top 5 best days of my teenage life
Milestones - maybe like by age, 1-5 one day, 5-10 another, etc.
Best pictures ever taken (of me, of course!)

Those are a few ideas - I am totally open to any interesting thoughts out there! Help me out, people!

26 February, 2008

Naivety, at times.

At times, I can be idealistic about people and life in general. It still surprises me to know that over half of America's population still does some form of illegal drugs on a regular basis. It shocks me when small children are on TV because they have been kidnapped, or worse. I get so angry watching those animal saving shows on Animal Planet because I just can't believe there are people out there that do that.

I am also naive when it comes to relationships at times. More specifically, I think I have a lot to learn about marriage before I actually get married. In my mind, once you get married, that is it. There is no flirting with other people, there is no "just a kiss" and there is no way you can allow yourself to feel romantic emotions about anyone else.

I do understand that marriage is hard work and that there will be hard times, but I truly believe if you get married to the right person, you can work through that.

But these days, are people just marrying the wrong people? It seems like so many men that I have met or dated over the past few years have been divorced. Some more than once before the age of 30. This still astounds me. Is this just the way it is now? Is the Starter Marriage truly the way it's done these days?

Call me old fashioned, but I want to get married once, and I do not want to ever question that decision.

So what brings this up? Well, my Internet friends, I have a Myspace. I keep it private, and only add people I truly know as friends. I never look around on Myspace and use it like I use Match. It seems wrong to troll around on a public forum only to find one cute guy in your area who is 17. I do not like to feel dirty.

Well apparently, some people do.

Behold a conversation I had with a man, Mike from Rhode Island. Mike found me randomly while looking for women to fuck** who live near his best friend in Georgia.

**Hi, Mom! I know I'm much too pretty to talk like that! Sorry!

From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:27 AM


read but no reply? ouch

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:48 AM


LOL. You're a go getter, huh?

Two truths about RBNR - I'm at work, and I didn't really think people used Myspace to hit on people who don't even live close.

Courtney

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 8:54 AM


well... i'm different!

How are you?

I'm 40... u?

I'm married... 12 yrs... 3 kids... you?

I'm a pharmaceutical consultant... yourself?

Mike

Did I hit on you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 9:00 AM



You certainly are different!! If you are married for 12 years, why are you emailing random women on Myspace? I'm not being rude asking that, it's a genuine question. I suppose I just assume people email random people here to hit on them.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 9:32 AM


i'm married... not happily married... and I'm bored... so I flirt on line...

jerk huh?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:02 AM



Yeah, pretty much, but at least you're an honest jerk!

How does one become unhappily married? It seems to happen alot, and I don't understand it. This is one reason why I don't want to get married any time soon!!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:16 AM


i'm not THAT unhappy... not unhappy enough to leave my kids...

but my wife is a selfish cold lover...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:24 AM


Well you're an honest jerk but a good dad then. :o)

My dad and his first wife got divorced when my oldest brother was 4. He has always said that it turned out better for him because they were both happy parents, and that was better than parents who fought.

So your wife is selfish AND cold? So does she not put out, or she puts out but only cares about her side of the deal?

haha.... I'm asking a total stranger about his sex life. Hope you don't think I'm prying......

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:27 AM


nah... I opened the topic...

we almost never have sex... and when we do, it's all about her...

M

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:33 AM



Well that is no good. I'm making notes on how to make a marriage last forever, and happily, for when I do get married. Number one is have good sex ALOT. I'm sorry you don't get it much, that would make me unhappy too.

So is your friend in Marietta and unhappliy married guy too? Is that why you come down here alot?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:40 AM


he is... i come down to golf...

do you have a boyfriend?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:49 AM


I am single, currently dating two people. :o)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:54 AM


just saw you pics...GREAT body!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:55 AM


Thanks.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 10:55 AM


how tall are you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 11:04 AM


5'11. I love heels though, so usually 6'1 or 6'2,


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 1:20 PM


i thought you were tall...and worth the climb!

135 lbs?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 1:34 PM


haha, a lady never tells. Besides, I have no desire to allow a married man to climb me.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:03 PM


ok...I'd prefer if you climb on top of me anyway...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:05 PM


LOL. There will be no climbing of any sort!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:06 PM


that way my hands and mouth are free to explore...lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:07 PM


Wow, you have a response to everything, huh?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mike
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:10 PM

was my response bad?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cortuny!!
Date: Feb 20, 2008 2:12 PM


Yes.


After that, Rhode Island Mike chose not to be my friend anymore. Go Figure.

19 February, 2008

She works hard for her money.

I am signing a contract for an event I'm planning in April. This is the first time I've had to sign off on this clause.

"No male or female genitalia, breasts or buttocks may be exposed at any time."

18 February, 2008

Fun Monday!

Assignment: My drive to work never fails to produce a giggle for me, which inspired this week's Fun Monday Challenge: Take your camera with you as you go about your business and take a picture of the things that make you laugh along the way. I was originally thinking about signs, since that's what usually does it for me, but I left it open to your interpretation.

Host: Sayre

So many things make me laugh on a daily basis. Today I laughed at a picture of a coworkers new puppy, just because he was so itty bitty and cute, and she named him Pierre. I laugh at a sign on the way to work almost every day, and if I can remember, I will take a picture of this sign so you can laugh at it too.

Earlier this week, I laughed at this. That is Atlanta news, at Chateau Elan, just North of the city.

I also laughed at this in the past week, because animals just make me laugh.

But what made me laugh the most is this. Below is the transcript of a drunken IM (that has been cleaned up, so as not to offend anyone) between myself and a friend, after I had gone on a date with The Brit. I have left all the typos in, so you can better imagine the drunkenness. This is me, trying to describe what happened, and the hilarity that ensues:

Friend: ok i am here!
Friend: im being a loser and staying in tongiht
Southern Doll: hahHAHthat was fast
F: no im on downloading music
F: im just invisible
SD: ok, so date was good
SD: no real warning signs, we get along, both jokesters....it was fun
SD: coolr restaurant, he paid, OH MY GOD HE STANDS UP WHEN I GO TO THE BATHROOM
SD: so, we are saying goodbe and he kisses me
SD: the ksis was good....but you know how when a kiss goes from just kissing to making out?
F: ah hahahah yeah

SD: ok, so the kiss makes that switch, and the kiss is still good, but it 's like when that switch happens, all of a sudden his palm starts making out with the back of my head
SD: i'm talking you shouldn't get a tangle that big unless you are doing the missionary nasty
F: AHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAH
F: you are joking
SD: no!!!
SD: it totally made me start to laugh
SD: and THEN
SD: he was like, oh, i found a spot!
SD: then he started pulling my hair a little bit!!!!
F: OHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SD: yes!
SD: it was so funny
F: i am dying
F: wow
SD: i was like DAMNIT!!!!
F: that is special
SD: I mean tha date was SO GOOD and the kiss was awesome until then!
F: hee hee i am giggling imagining this
F: ah haha
SD: dude
SD: i am laughing too
F: is there anything you want me to pirate music wise to listen to as we get ready tomorrow?
SD: anythign booty shaking
F: i figure i will need a lot of music and condition so we can get that big tangle out of the back of your head
F: conditioner
SD: uhm, yeah
F: whoa
SD: i have like a bee hive
F: and
F: imagine if you had my hair
SD: I KNOW hahahahaha
SD: it would have been like a bee hive with strings hanging out!
F: omg you are killing me
SD: something goofy like that always happens to me.
SD: it was like out of a movie
F: ah haah
F: i still thnk we need to write a book
F: about silly dating moments
F: really
SD: you know how if you open your eyes at the wrong moment, you see them coming at you int he half kiss, and its so not sexy?
F: i have the voyeur and the cocaine snorter
F: ah hahaha
F: thats funny
F: thats why you dont peek
SD: well i started to think about htat while he wa styling my beehive, then is tarted laughing harder
F: oh no
SD: yeah dude
F: you are as bad as me
F: i would have been laughing so bad
SD: i had to play it off like, OK, I don't want this to go too far *giggle giggle*
F: ah hahahha
F: like
F: you wanted to not have to shave your head tomorrow morning
SD: and i was trying to come up with a cute way of getting out of it
F: its cracking me up
F: you were probably thinking about this while he is making the bee hive
F: instead of just enjoying the free hair styling
SD: oh yeah
SD: like in a 3 minute spamn of time, iw as not only thinking WTF is he doing, iw asl ike, I have to tell you and lindsay about this s**t
F: ah hahahaha
F: i would have been thinking the exact same thing
SD: you know its bad when you start thinking about telling your friends about it during the kiss
F: trust me
F: i know
SD: hahahahahaha
F: like b's snake tongue
SD: ahhhhh1!!!! hahahahahahh
F: he likes to "penetrate" people
SD: oh god
SD: ewwwwww
F
: while kissing them
F: EEEEEWWWWWwwwww
F:i would laugh
SD: he penetrates h's STDs
SD: hahahahahahahaha
F: and do the exact same thing....how do i get out of this??
SD: uhm yeah
SD: ugh
SD: man, wnhy did he have to mess up a perfect first date with a beehive
F: H HhHhHhH
F: hee hee
SD: hahaha
F: was it really as bad as you are making it sound
F
: like the tangle he made was bad??
SD: well, the beehive was only like the last three minutes
SD: but i definitely had to smooth my hair down
SD: it was liek a great kiss until he did that s**t, then had to be all "OH I FOUND A SPOT"
SD: no, f***er, you make me laugh with your F*****G BEEHIVE MOVE
F: ahhhhhhhhhh hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
F: you know
F: if you go out with him again
F: he is going to think you LIKED the beehive move
SD: I know!!!!
SD: ujgh
F: and he is going to keep doing it
SD: hahahahahah
SD: oh good lord
SD: i have to react to soemthign else so he will move on
F: you will have a cronic beehiver
SD: hahahaha
SD: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
F: yessssss
F
: free hair stylist
F: ah ahahaha
SD: i akm laghing so hard right now
F: dude
F: i am too
F: i bet my neighbors can hear me
SD: we seriously need to write a book
F: i know!
SD: hahahahaha
F: i could put in my fight with nick at the restaurant over wonderwoman's lasso
F: you get the do me in the butt guy
SD: oh yeah
F: i get the gay x
F: you get the beehiver
SD: i get the gay ex who is convinced he wants to marry me
F: and i get snake tongue
F: oh and tall speechless man
SD: oooh i get dominatrix man
F: ahhhhhhh hahahahahaha
SD: we can tag team the chapter on tall speechless man, because oh wait, MINE CALLED ME YESTERDAY
F: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
SD: we can also tag team a chapter on how to get men to send you dirty pics
F: was there just radio silence on your phone?
F: hee hee
SD: have i told you his actual nick name that i gave him, since all my match men get nicknames?
F: ah hahaah im all about the shared chapters, makes it easier
F: no, what is it?
SD: Darth Joey
SD: he sounds like f******g darth vader on the phone
F: ahhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahah
SD: its like he runs while talking'
F: no way
F: omg
SD: oh yeah
F: really
SD: sometimes i can't really hear him
F: because of his breathing?
SD: and this was was The Brit, but he's so Beehive no
F: yeah he is beehive
F: hands down
SD: for sure
SD: lol
F: i am watchng footloose
SD: they have beehives1
F: and i think i want to make out with kevin bacon
SD: lol
SD: make sure his hands stay below the neck
F: dude
F: i want his hands all over me
F: ah haahha
SD
: beehive and all? you sure about that?
SD: hahahaahah
F: kevin bacon
F: will not make me hve a beehive
SD: he doens't look like that now, you know
F: well
F: that ok
SD: hahahaha
SD: he's probably goooooooddddd
F: because he can DANCE
F: goood
SD: yeah
SD: ahhhhh i bet beehive is gooooood hahahah
SD: float like a butterfly, sting like a BEEEEEEE
F: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
F: hahahahah
F: do you think he would really be good?
SD: who knows
F: your whole body would be a beehive
SD: tha actual kiss part was good
SD: it was the hand thing that weirded me out
F: hee hee
F: well
F: maybe next time
F: you could like try to hold his hands or something
F: like start kissing and then push him into a wall or something and RESTRAIN THE BEEHIVE MAKERS
SD: hahahahahahahahahah
SD: ABORT BEEHIVE MISSION
SD: ABORT!ABORT!
F
: lllol
F: you could never make out with beehive before going out!
F: or else you need to start carrying a hairbrush
SD: lol
SD: cross eye called me while i was on my date
F: uhm how is that
F: who i mean
F: dude kevin bacon just meat up this dude
F: beat
F: HOT
SD: another match dude, he has a picture on there where he's using his camera on his pone ot take apicture in a mirror, and hes looking at the phone so he looks like he has a cross eye
F: ah hahaha this is so cheesy 80s
F: ah hahaha
F: oh no
F: crosseye
SD: but we'v been talking on google IM all week, he seems really cool
F: i am so busting out some of these moves in vegas
SD: hahahah the totally played i will always love you at this restaurant, i wanted to sing it karaoke style
SD: ahhhh ok i need to go to bed so i can function at the river tomorrow
F: AH HAHAHA
F: ok
SD: ok
F
: see you at ten, beehive mama
SD: hahahah i might still ahvve a beehive
F: oh, and brush your hair before tomorrow
SD: hahahahahahahaha
F
: i cant run with a beehive
F: ah ahahha
SD: hehehehehe
SD: ok goodnight snake tongue
F: goodnight BeeHiver

And there you have it. A night in the life of the Southern Doll.