I am a genius.

I am standing in the kitchen with Ops Manager:

Ops: "Southern Doll, do you know where the second fire extinguisher is?"
Me: "No......I've seen the one up front, but never the second one."
Ops: "........"
Ops: "So you have no idea that you are standing next to one...."
Me: "uhhh.....Yeah. That would be correct."

Viva Las Vegas

Tomorrow I fly to Vegas for a bachelorette party. Let the debauchery begin!

Things like this make my day better.

A fax is received at 3:09:

To: HR Department / Accounts Receivable
From: Curvaceous Bass

For real? Do parents think before they name their children things like this?

Good Conversation With an Old Friend

I'm talking with The BreakUp today and we hit a nugget of wisdom:

Me: "We've reached a whole new level."
The BreakUp: "Ahh yes. I think it is the next logical step for us...see each other's junk (and enjoy)...don't talk for a while...talk about nothing....make fun of the other's new endeavors."
Me: "It's all a part of the 'I did you and now I don't' process."

Isn't that true, though? When you break up with someone, isn't it like a small death? I need to research the five steps of grief, or whatever it is, because I think it can apply to break ups, especially monumental ones. I mean, at first The BreakUp and I tried to just jump back into friendship....it went over as well as a pregnant pole vaulter. It took time, anger, patience, acceptance and now, humor. it's working though, I think. It has been a lesson for me. I can't control other people's lives, even mine sometimes. I have to accept them as they are and for the choices they make.....isn't that what friendship is?

It is much easier said than done.

Who Am I?

Who are you? And why would I want to read about you??

Well, good questions. I'm just a girl trying to make it happen. What, I don't know. Something, though. And there are so many times I think to myself, "Damn, that shit's funny. I can't believe it just happened to you. I better write this down so I don't forget." So I'm really just trying to get it all down on paper (the Internet? My computer? I don't know the high-tech conversion of that saying....) so I can laugh at me when i have Alzheimer's and don't remember me.

Got it? Good, now we can go on being friends.

I promise I won't write about what I had for lunch - that is boring. And plus, sometimes, I don't want to admit it. But I do promise to bring to the table the great follies of my life - past, present and future. With a huge focus on love, lust and sex. Being a Southern girl with all that charm and a Big Northern Attitude, I do attract comedy.

This is going to be fun, guys! What, you don't believe me? Just another blog? OK, I'll leave you with a teaser list of stories to come:
1. "Do Me In the Butt" guy
2. How to Get a Vacation Paid For by a Stranger - WITHOUT Sex
3. Weekly Favorites - Ways to Remind Yourself the World Is, Indeed, Good
4. What NOT to say

Stay! Read! Laugh at me! We'll do this together!